Some may say that it is a blessing but others would say that it is quite possibly my worst trait. I have a very difficult time with others being in control, and I accept that. If anything, I own it. I am a control freak. In every way possible, I have an extremely hard time allowing others to have complete control, for things not to go as planned, and when it is time to work with a group. I struggle with it everyday. I have self-control, but very little. I have practiced, forced, and adapted to situations where I am not in control but then the anxiety begins to kick in. It is a problem I have, but it's who I am.
I spend a majority of my time stressing out about projects and minor tasks that have no importance to anyone but myself. I do not know anyone else who cares as much as I do when it comes to what goes into the pockets of my work bag or to when something written in pen is misspelled. My control issues have gone as far as purchasing a new planner two weeks after buying it because I wrote down my birthday during the wrong day to consuming my self-image. This control issue has cost me a lot of my time that I will sadly not get back. I have also struggled with not being able to have complete control over my body. I have a really hard time accepting the fact that while I may have control of what I put in my body and how I take care of it, I hate not being able to have complete control. Is that crazy?
The hardest part about wanting to be in control of everything happens to be people. Yes, I obsess over laying colored papers in rainbow order and making sure things are measured exact and even, but people are the worst. I may have control over myself but that fact that I do not have control when it comes to others drives me up the wall. I know how crazy and blown out of proportions that sounds, but it is sadly the truth. It scares me that so much of my life is up to others. My life could be changed for the worst because I have absolutely zero control in others. I understand that there could also be positives out of others changing your life, but I look at the negative. Scary things are happening out in the world which I hate not having control over.
My advice to you is accept your control issues for what they are but seek opportunities to just accept things for what they are. I have found that work is my place to lose a little bit of my control because I cannot make a bunch of kids do what I want at all times. That is just never going to happen. My next piece of advice is to constantly remind yourself that you can't control everyone and everything. It may seem silly to keep telling yourself that every 10 minutes but it really does help if you are having panicking. And lastly, reach out to others. It does no good to bottle up your anxieties and fears. You need to tell someone because it is a lot easier to be bring yourself down to reality with someone else's help.
