I have a confession. I like to go through life like an oblivious child. I like to hide in my room and pretend that the things going on in the world don't affect me and that the problems we all face don't exist. I refrain from watching the news. I refrain from talking about politics. I just strongly prefer pretending that violence doesn't exist and that racism doesn't exist and that people live forever in harmony. I abhor reading and paying attention to the headlines and the current situation of crime and news because I want to pretend our world is "perfect." I want that protection of being a kid where the only thing I'm worrying about is if there will be chocolate milk at lunch ...

Now, I understand that in order to figure out who I am and what I want and to succeed that I will need to pay attention to these things. I understand that I will need to form opinions and defend what I believe, which at times, I do. But there are days where I stubbornly try to leave the negativity in the world and in my life unacknowledged.

I do subscribe to theSkimm (which is a great output of information in a summarized format) and I do have the Associated Press News app, so I see all the headlines pop up on my phone and I try to read the Skimm'd version of the world.

Last summer, I was on a mission trip in Virginia. For the majority of the trip, we helped do some minor repairs to a house. One of our last days in VA was particularly rainy so we instead went to sort clothing and supplies and pack them into trucks for these people to take with them on a mission trip. It was a family (I believe they were going to Puerto Rico) and the supplies were donations to help them start churches and teach. They had gone there before to do this and were continuing their journey.

The first half of the day was just my youth group and some workers at the establishment; the missionaries joined us for our lunch break. At lunch, we set up camp in a room and one of the leaders of the organization set us up watching a video of how the organization started. Halfway through the missionaries came in and introduced themselves and showed us a video of what they were doing. It was super cool seeing this and making an effort to help them do their job and make a difference.

Unfortunately, during the middle of us talking and learning of the mission trip and how they were impacting peoples lives, one of the leaders of the group we were at came in. He was very solemn and he said something along the lines of "I'm sure you all know what happened today and I know that you're all upset, I invite you all to come with me to take down the flag."

I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. None whatsoever. At first I thought there was a terrorist attack, his voice was so grim it was like people died. And then he clarified. The Supreme Court had ruled that gay marriage was legal. And he wanted to take down the American flag.

Now, what I didn't mention is, sitting right next to me, eating lunch, helping people prepare for their voyage, was a girl, in my youth group, who was publicly out. Of course, this man had no way to know that. Why wouldn't he assume a Christian youth group coming to help was full of happy, straight kids?! Honestly.

In that moment, I had never felt so scared, frozen, and weak in my entire life. I'm a big sister and I've always helped to take care of my brother and any other person in need. I have always had to stand up for myself and others and I think myself to be a generally strong individual. When I was younger, I always got in trouble for back talking because I was desperate to get my point across. But in that moment, I couldn't find my voice.

The following moments were not quiet. She surprisingly was, but others were not. The missionaries looked confused, as only some of them spoke English. There was such a drastic change in atmosphere. I, assuming these people would be understanding, slid over and told the American missionary that one of our youths was gay. She said to me, "Maybe this is what she needed in order to be right with God." And that is when I got up and left.

As a Christian, I am not called to tell others about their journey with God or even think about how they get to be right with God. I am called to listen, and be present for people. I am called to be open and understanding and supportive. I am called to forgive. None of that coincides with telling people how they can or can not live their life. That isn't my job.

Once I left the room I called my youth leader, who had stayed back with a sick youth, and explained what happened. Then I found my friend and helped find all of our coolers and bags and pack up the van. Then I helped apologize to the other employees because we would not be able to finish helping and surprisingly got a sincere apology from them about their colleagues' actions. They prayed with our entire group and were very, very sorry.

Up until this point, I was very numb. I didn't want to play with the animals, I just wanted to go back to my sleeping bag and process. I'm glad that that wasn't an option, because animals truly have a way of mending our broken souls.

This experience really terrified me.

At that point in time, I was fully aware that prejudice was present in our world. But I was not aware of the extent. I did not realize that it was to the point of removing a flag that stood for our country and for the struggles we have faced to get here. I didn't realize that equality could infuriate people. I didn't realize that love had bounds.

At times, I like my bubble. I like being oblivious. But I don't want to ever be frozen and speechless again. I don't want to be left in the dark. Well, maybe on occasion.

We are completely incapable of changing someone's perception; if they don't want to be changed, then there's nothing further we can do. For example, if my friend, John, is super sad because he doesn't like the state of his life and I tell him to do something about it, to do something that makes him happy, focus on where he wants to be and then make it happen. I can't make him be happy or make him do anything. And when you're in that frame of mind, where you refuse to accept the idea that things could be different, it's near impossible to make a change. But it is a choice. And my friend, John, is choosing to be miserable. He has this predisposition that he cannot be happy and that he cannot succeed but he can. If he chooses to.

I greatly appreciate anyone who made it this far. Thank you for your time.