"Where are you going to college?"
"Do you know what you want to do after college?"
"Where do you want to live when you're older?"
"How many kids do you want to have?"
Questions like these are some of the ones I've been getting asked more and more by my family members and friends now that I've graduated from high school and am in the beginning of my sophomore year in college. These questions are a reminder that things are about to change very soon. I'm almost 20 which is scary and bizarre to even think about, but what's even more bizarre is that moving into this age range means that I'm going to be transferring to a 4 year university next year and living away from my family and friends. Since I didn't go to a 4 year university right after high school and went to community college instead, I haven't yet experienced moving away and having to fully take care of yourself without relying as much on your parents. While still living at home I'm very independent, but I do enjoy the comfort of having my parents and brothers conveniently nearby to talk and hang out with.
My fear is that growing up and moving away means I'll be losing a part of me that I love and have cultivated over the years. My fear is that I won't be able to laugh at myself because I'll be too much of an "adult" to take part in that type of silliness. My fear is that I won't be able to spend as much time as I do now with the people who I care about so much. My fear is that I won't get a decent job after college and will struggle both financially and emotionally (i.e. I won't be happy with my job or how my life has turned out so far). My fear is the change. I know that it will happen and some aspect of me will be different, but it's intimidating and frightening not being able to know what will change, as well as how and why.
In preparation for this big change in my life, I've been doing what I do best: I make jokes and laugh about the situation. But my comedic attitude is actually somewhat of a temporary mask to hide the nerves I have going into the next stage in my life. Deep down inside I know I'll step up and make it work...but only if I remember where my classes are and don't forget to turn the stove off. Kidding! Okay, with all jokes aside, I can admit I'm also freaking excited about what's to come, even if I don't always realize or show it. I can't wait to get settled into my new life and develop a new daily routine that will seem just as comfortable as the one I have now. And who knows? Maybe a change in scenery will be good after living in the same town and region for the past 12 years of my life. Maybe I'll pick up some new hobbies or find some cool restaurants and hipster coffee shops to hang out and do homework at, and that would replace my beloved Starbucks back home (just kidding Starbucks, I would never dare).
This is the time in my life when I'm going after my interests and passions, meeting new people, and discovering the world. Yes, it's terrifying. And yes, I don't know what to expect or prepare for, but that's also the part that I'm starting to be excited about. So, who knows what'll happen after college, who I'm going to become, or how many kids I plan to have? All I'm going to focus on is living in the moment and taking in everything I possibly can during the years soon to come, because it's these years and the decisions I make that will determine the answers to those questions.
For anyone else in my situation, just know that you're not alone! Your family and friends are right there behind you even if you're across the country or over seas; they'll be with you every step of the way and will use their supportive and loving powers to remind you how important you are to them and how proud they are of you and what you're doing. Enjoy, cherish, and learn from every moment.
Take a deep breath and dive courageously into these waters that we call our adult years.
-N
