As I sit here, watching everyone and everything move around me, I'm numb. I feel completely alone. It's not about the amount of people you have around you, and sometimes it doesn't even matter who is around you, because you are just lonely. You feel no emotion whatsoever, which just makes you feel alone.
It's hard in the first place to feel alone, but when you have other mental illnesses to go along with it, it's that much worse. You feel like the world could continue spinning and working just fine without you there, because while you're physically there, you're not mentally. You could spend hours just staring at a wall. There is so much going on inside your head and at the same time, nothing. You feel like everything is beyond your control and you aren't sure how much longer you can take this.
Thinking about life is so stressfull. It's crazy how some things that wouldn't normally bother you can tear you apart when you're feeling like this, like watching people around you live completely normal lives, making plans to go out and have fun this weekend, while you can't even function. You're just counting down the time until you can go home and hide in your safe place a little longer.
Functioning is hard to do when you can't make sense of anything going on around you. Feeling invisible in a room full of people is hard to handle. I wish I knew of some way to cope with it, but I don't. I wish I knew of some easy answer to help you through feeling so alone, but I don't. I do however know that it is a horrible feeling and hard to deal with. I want to tell any of you feeling alone while in a group of people, or anyone feeling invisible that you aren't, and you aren't alone. People do care. I care.
You don't have to know someone well to care about them; that's one of the first things I learned when I was struggling so badly with my mental illnesses. I mean, think about the shootings that happen and how people who don't even know the victims come together to support them: that's caring about someone you don't know.
If it weren't for people like that, who care about you when they don't know the first thing about you, I don't know if I would be sitting here today writing this. Tough times come and go. I know this now but about three years ago, I didn't realize this. But now I'm here to share this with everyone else who doesn't realize it. I'm here for you, I care, and I know I'm not the only person in the world who cares about you.
