I didn’t know it at the time that you would be one of the ones I would have a hard time forgetting. We weren’t together, but we weren’t just friends. You cared about me, but I’m not sure how much because you cared about her too. That’s what hurt the most. I wasn’t just some girl to you, but I also wasn’t the only girl. We spent time together as if we were dating; all of our friends knew it too. After it ended, if that’s even what you want to call it, people knew who I was because of you. I was constantly reminded of you because of questions people had. Are you guys talking? Are you about to date? What happened?

Honestly. I don’t know.

I’ve always been the kind of girl who kept my guard up. I didn’t just settle for anyone, or like some girls, everyone. I was picky. I was scared. I trusted you. Finally. You allowed me to trust someone again. You gave me a reason to laugh uncontrollably. It had been a while since someone has been able to do that. You made me feel comfortable. Important. Your friends told me how I would be good for you. How you needed someone like me in your life, just as much as I needed someone like you.

I was hesitant for a while to tell my friends I liked you. I was nervous that it was too soon. I was afraid you would walk away. The more time we spent together, the more I wondered what we were. The closer we became, the more curious I got. I was fine with the way things were going. We weren’t too serious, but the potential was there. I didn’t want to rush anything. I didn’t want to put a time limit on it. I didn’t want to push you away, so I just rolled with it. I wanted to be more, but I would never have said that. I never would have told you the way you made me feel again. I don’t think you even realize the impact you had on me.

Then you left.

You didn’t talk to me anymore. You never responded to my texts. You stopped reaching out. When we saw each other, things were weird.

I didn’t know why. The level of confusion that I had was indescribable. I thought I did something wrong. I thought you were mad at me. I didn’t know what to think. I still don’t fully know.

Then you told me I was starting to like you too much; that you wanted to pull away quietly without hurting me. That was the hardest thing to hear. You cared about my feelings, but not quite enough. You didn’t even have the decency to tell me in person. You waited until I got the hint. Until I thought it over and over again in my head what I did wrong. Until I finally asked you what it was that made you pull away.

I cried. I cried over you more than I ever wanted to.

I wasn’t upset that you didn’t like me. I wasn’t upset that you were leaving. I was upset that I didn’t know what happened. I beat myself up about it. I thought I wasn’t good enough. I never got closure.

Now you’re happy, and I’m happy for you, I really am. I have no hard feelings. But I do miss you sometimes. Or maybe I miss the idea of you. I’m really not too sure what it is.

However, despite everything, I want to thank you. Thank you for showing me what it’s like to be happy again. For showing me what I want in my next relationship -- someone who makes me laugh, and laugh a lot. That’s something you gave me that I will always be grateful for.

I learned a lot from you. I learned how I deserve to be treated, and how I don’t.

Maybe our paths will cross one day. Maybe they won’t. Maybe we will become friends again and meet up for a drink. Maybe we will be nothing but a college memory. Maybe we will forget about each other completely, even though I am convinced that you are one I will never forget.