Dear Old high school band director,

Oh, where do I begin? The laughs? The heartfelt talks? The way you made me feel like I could do anything?

Yeah, we aren't going to talk about any of that, because none of it is true or relevant.

You probably thought this was going to be a thank you letter, right? That I was going to say all the great things about you and how I came to appreciate music more. You probably even think that I'm pursuing music in college because of you. Well, you're terribly wrong, and I hope you don't stop reading because I'm about to tell you all the things I couldn't while I was in high school.

You know, it's funny. I always thought I was going to go off to be a music educator one day. That I would teach kids how to play an instrument and then eventually be able to conduct my own marching band and arrange my own concert. As you can see, that didn't happen. But, why was that? I had worked hard for so many years and now I was just leaving behind the thing I loved the most. You see, that part is scratched out because I don't love it anymore. Playing an instrument doesn't give me the same excitement it did when I first picked up the trumpet in 6th grade. I would be happy if I never touched another trumpet again, let alone play something such as Frozen Cathedral or 1812 Overture. You ruined that for me though. It was a slow progression, which is why I think I stayed in the program in the first place. It wasn't until after my Freshman year of high school when I realized you were hurting me, not helping me.

Flashback to Sophomore year, when I started getting involved in more, but I was still just as equally involved in band. In fact, I wanted to be just as involved with band as I was with all my other extra curricular's. You didn't see it as that way. You would get so annoyed when I had other rehearsal's or just annoyed at the fact that I loved something as much as, if not more, than band. My personal goal was to become a leader and I really thought band could help with that and in a way it did. You gave me a leadership position in the band, but did you really believe I was a good leader? By the end of this year, things had started to go into a downward spiral, but I figured "Hey, maybe things will get better when the seniors leave and we can try again!" Little did I know, it was the student's fault: it was yours.

Junior year begins and as marching band season begins, I start to realize that nothing has changed. You did nothing to change the dynamic of band for me. It started to get to the point where I dreaded coming to class every day. Sometimes, I would try to get out of class or pretend I had to do something else just because I couldn't stand you. But did you know that? Probably not, because I was always good at hiding it. You were never organized, you had an ego bigger than Africa, and you ALWAYS thought you were right and NEVER wrong, was infuriating to me. How could you be so clueless? I just didn't get it. I was dead set on quitting my senior year, I really was. My parents even felt I should quit because they knew the atmosphere was just killing my vibe and making me beyond stressed. I left home with a smile and came home with a frown: Because of you.

However, this was not over. I wasn't going to let you win. I decided I wanted to finally try and be a drum major, which is something I had always dreamed of doing. You can imagine though what happened, right? I didn't get it. I also didn't get head section leader, which I had been for the past two years.

I bet you can guess what I did my senior year?

That's right. I finally stopped caring. I didn't care about band. I had lost my passion for playing. For marching. I lost my ability to find beauty within music. Singing was the only thing I had left at this point and I was scared to lose that too. You drained me of my passions. I coasted through senior year band. I wasn't proud of the band I was in and I honestly didn't care anymore. People thought that I was just this bitch and complained about me not wanting to be there. But see, I was trying to see if I could make it work, not with you, but with my music. I wanted to find my music. I needed to find my music. Music was the thing that made me whole and helped me find my way, but you just took that from me. How dare you? I hope you know I sold my instrument the day after I graduated and I haven't played since and whenever people ask me if I was gonna play in college, my immediate answer was, "No, because my band director ruined it for me."

I know that's a lot of blame to put on one person, but it's true. You stole my music from me and I will never forgive you for that. You were always someone I looked up to, but you know what they say, the devil was once an angel too. You were so wrapped up in yourself that you completely neglected your students and I bet you're STILL doing it. I feel sorry for you, mainly because of how many people dislike you for what you've done. I bet you don't even know what you've done and I bet you'll deny it if anyone asks. I'm just now starting to find my music again, but the hesitancy is still there: because of you.

If this letter happens to cross your path and you decide to read the whole thing, I am going to thank you for one thing you did right.

Thank you for showing me what a leader is not: you.

Sincerely,

One of your (many) former band students.