Dear Anxiety,
I want you to know that I despise you with every last ounce of my being. I hate the way that you have wormed yourself through my body and brain, taking over every last part of me. All of me, has become you. I am no longer a single entity, you are always attached to me, always following me, like a little dark cloud that I just cannot seem to escape, no matter how hard I try.
On those rare moments when you are not taking control over my body, causing me to feel like I am drowning, like my heart is about to explode out of my chest, causing my breathing to be that of someone's who just ran a race, all you do is stand over me, watching silently. You are the little devil dancing on my shoulder, leaning into my ear, and reminding me of every last thing that I have ever done. You know exactly what to say to send me into a frenzy. You know everything that there ever was to know about me. You know my every move, what it is that makes me tick, you know exactly what to say to send me into a panic. You know which scenarios to place into my mind, to ruin my day at any chance you could take.
I understand that what you are trying to do is prepare, and protect me from all of the dangers of the world, and I am extremely grateful for that. And if a hungry lion ever escapes the zoo and is sprinting towards my house, coming to eat me, I am counting on you to warn me that its coming! But, what you don't understand, is that I don't need you anywhere near as much as you think I do.The horrible things that you tell me are going to happen, actually does more harm than good. All the worrying that you do, causes so much exhaustion in my life, you make me physically sick. I know you are trying to help, but please, back off, you are bringing so much more harm to me than anything you are warning me about ever could.
I never asked for you, I never wanted to have something attached to me that makes me feel this way. I never asked for something to make me horrified of going somewhere by myself, I never asked to have something in my life that can make me breakdown at the sound of a single word. I have always wanted to live a happy, carefree life, and you are making that so difficult. Who invited you into my life? What made you choose me? Because I sure as hell never chose you.
Although you came, unwelcomed, into my life, you’re also the reason I am who I am in so many ways. You are the reason I have become stronger and more compassionate. You are the reason I have learned more about myself, and my mind. Because you have taught me to learn more about my mind, I have learned about you. I have learned ways to defeat you. There are many blessings in disguise because of you. And even though I haven't unveiled every disguise, I know I will eventually.
So anxiety, I hate you, but sometimes I appreciate you. I understand that you are trying to protect me, but please tone it down a bit. Save your concern and worry for the real threats that are actually happening and can kill me.
Sincerely,
The Person Who Never Asked For You
