Every Thursday we are presented with the same question that even our forefathers have had to answer. This question, so untouched by change, has led to many late night "what are you doing?" texts, long hours hugging the porcelain throne, and even the occasional run in with the police. A question asked by many, it strikes fear into the hearts of professors who teach Friday morning classes. Once the clock strikes five, it's time to pop the real question, "what are we drinking tonight?"
Picking out a bottle for the night is always a delicate situation. What are your actual plans for the night? Are you hanging with all the boys in an epic attempt to get so drunk that one of you ends the night waking up naked on the porch? Are you going to make a move on that chick that you think is eyeing you over? (she isn't by the way). Or are you bouncing around the party dancing the night away? Where there's a will, there's a way to get perfectly inebriated for the evenings festivities.
Tequila.
The act of buying a nice bottle of Jose Silver means one thing. You won't remember your night. There's no other way to put it. You could have met the President, but Mr. Cuervo says otherwise. I'm an avid fan of tequila sunrises but I'm also far too aware of how sneaky tequila can be. So with this I warn you, brave soul, if you're planning on buying yourself a nice fifth of tequila, clear your schedule, cause it's gunna be a hell of a morning.
Vodka.
If you went out and bought yourself a bottle of vodka for the night, chances are you're trying to hook up with someone. Don't lie. You bought that dragon fruit Smirnoff because you heard that "Amy loves exotic flavored drinks", and you were really hoping this would give you an in. It's alright dude, we've all been there. Date events are other big vodka nights, so get in there champ, buy that passion fruit mango Svedka and tell the cashier that it's for your date. I'm sure he believes you.
Gin.
If you're drinking gin, you're probably a grandfather around the age of 73, or you just listened to Snoop Dogg's "Gin and Juice", in which case I applaud you and your fifth of Tanqueray. I've heard literally no one say, "I'm feeling like gin tonight," and I'm starting to think that it has something to do with the fact that gin tastes like bug spray. But remember, sip on that gin and tonic, you'll never be as chill as Snoop.
Whiskey.
I have a friend who loves whiskey. Absolutely loves it. I have no idea why. I can't taste the difference at all between the scotches and whiskey and the bourbons. But I do know one thing. All that brown liquor packs a punch. Jack Daniels and his more southern and more aggressive cousin Even Williams are the classic go to for the hanging with your homies. Whiskey is definitely not for the weak, but a few Jack and cokes never sounded so good.
Rum.
Personally, I love rum. The slow burn of Admiral Nelson reminds me of high school parties and summer festivals. However, just like whiskey, rum is terribly rough on the liver. A bottle of Kraken, will have you slurring your words in minutes. I must say though, it goes down way smoother than that vodka garbage.
Beer.
Grabbing a personal six pack of slightly more expensive beer and chilling in the couch is always a power move when you're not feeling the party. However, this isn't the only option when it comes to beer. Slapping down fifteen big ones for thirty cans of your favorite crap beer is a move and a half. The struggle to try and slam all thirty of them isn't a well paved road, prepare to stumble to the bathroom sooner or later and pray you don't wake up there in the morning.
