It seems that every time I make the decision to be done with guys and begin to focus on working on myself and being on my own, that it’s an unwanted invitation for a guy to come slide through and make me rethink my decision.
Last summer, I was enjoying my California vacation as usual, before I headed out to North Carolina for a rigorous pre-med summer program. I was Facebook messaged by someone I knew through work. At first, I didn’t think much of it. Maybe this person was just messaging me to ask me about something school related, not to ask me on a date.
This person, from what I’ve heard from good friends, was a catch. He had it all together, was smart, nice, an almost college graduate, and wasn’t into the 'typical' college party life. I was very hesitant at first, mostly because everything was through text message, and he was feeling strongly towards me on how much he liked me, even though we’ve never made conversation in person.
We were both very busy people, and when I finally came back home, we went on our date and it was nothing less than great. His intentions were to get in a serious long-term relationship, and that scared the crap out of me because I hadn’t been in a relationship since high school.
As time went on, we went on a couple more dates, and even though we didn’t see each other often (for our busy schedules), we both understood this equally -- or so I thought. I would find myself being the one who had to make time for him instead of vice-versa, and I would go days without talking to him, but he reassured me that he liked me so much and that we were going to make it work.
On Labor Day weekend, we headed out-of-state for a wedding that he was a groomsman in, and I was convinced that this was where he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend. He would always be the one who wanted to get in a relationship, and honestly, I didn’t know if I was ready.
The day of the wedding was super fun, and during the drive, I caught myself falling for the guy. At some point, we brought up the relationship question again and he just said that we should go on a couple more dates, and I was fine with that. That night, when he dropped me off and kissed me goodbye, was the last time I heard from him.
I texted, no response. Waited out a few days, and still no word. Checked on Facebook, and he even unfriended me. I was left with the read receipts and the opened Snapchats. So many thoughts were going through my mind, but at the same time, I was blank and completely blindsided as to what went wrong.
I went through every possibility and found myself trying to blame myself. Did I show little interest? Did he not like the dress I wore to the wedding? Was I the one who was too busy? Is there someone else? I felt myself spiraling into this dangerous way of thinking, and I finally broke.
It was a rough month afterward, and I isolated myself from anyone who even tried messaging me, “Hey.” I couldn’t listen to any of the songs we listened on that eight-hour drive, and I would avoid his friends if I saw them around campus. After not hearing from him, I saw his car on campus. Just knowing he still existed and was living his life not realizing how much he messed with my feelings angered me to the point of a panic attack of hatred. After a discussion with my dad, I realized the most important thing.
For one reason or another, he wasn’t supposed to be in my life. God was doing me a favor by removing him from my life, and I needed to move forward from it.
What was killing me the most, however, was not having the closure from it all. Ghosting on someone is by far way worse than just telling the person you weren’t into them. What was ironic about it all was this guy always emphasized how he would tell me anything, and how he was so honest and straight up. Instead, he acted like the biggest coward.
Eventually, I got closure after me running into him on campus six months later like nothing had ever happened, and I even considered starting over. In the end, I realized this wasn’t meant to be, and I deserved someone who wouldn’t disappear on me.
After being ghosted, one shouldn’t get a second chance. Everyone deserves an answer, even if it’s not the answer you wanted to hear.
