The Honest Truth About Life After A Toxic Relationship

The Honest Truth About Life After A Toxic Relationship

Life will always go on.

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Most of the time people associate toxic relationships with weakness. Someone who is weak, someone who doesn't have enough self- respect to leave, and someone who tolerates a lot less than they deserve.

As someone who has lived through this type of relationship, I consider myself strong, not just for going through it but having the strength to leave it in the end. When looking back at the relationship, at first I felt cheated and used but now all I am is thankful. Thankful for the lessons it taught me, thankful for the strength I've gained from it and thankful that I was shown something so crucial.

Like anything, a person, whether that be a friendship or relationship, can become addicting in a way just like drugs or alcohol. It consumes you and becomes something you need to function. It's finding comfort in something that is destroying you.

My personal experience consisted of mind games and doubts and questioning every move I made and every word I said. It was making each other mad just because we could. It was fighting about almost every little thing or giving someone almost 100 chances, while barely giving others two. I could go on and on about it, but I won't.

How can a toxic standard be the one I had?

Here's the thing about these types of relationships, they aren't all bad and don't necessarily start out bad.

In fact, there was a lot of good in my experience. They were a person that I could go to if I was having a bad day and almost every conversation had the words I love you somewhere in them. It was simple looks that said everything that I wanted them to. I can honestly say that even with all the bad stuff I loved them. It was one that, looking back now, I'm glad happened because it set the template for all the good things I could want in a person. As crazy as that probably sounds.

Another thing to point out about these types of relationships is that the person doesn't just change overnight, it builds over time and often times you don't see it coming. That's probably the worst part.

It was only fairly recently though that I discovered the effects it left on me. In almost every one since then, I've looked for some part of the relationship. I've questioned people's moves and motivations for getting to know me, been nervous to say no or constantly have to make some big excuse to not do something just because I didn't want to do it, and even thought that it was normal to be treated that way. When finally, somewhere along the way, I realized that it wasn't normal.

Life after a toxic relationship is sort of like a recovery in a way.

You admit there is a problem and you fix it, you build yourself up in such a way that even when you're tempted you don't want it. Because you understand the effects it has on you. It doesn't come easy but once you do it, you don't know why you let it have the effect it did in the first place.

I think a part of me will always care for them to an extent and possibly look for some of their better qualities in others but the truth is I don't want them anymore. And there's a bittersweet moment that comes with that followed by a feeling overcome with peace in realizing it.

Be true to yourself in knowing what you need, but don't let that relationship cause you to have such terrible views of the rest of the world.

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To The Girl Who's Still Crying Over the Guy She Never Dated

We've all been there, you never really dated but you might as well have...
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We’ve all been there. Every single one of us. Whether we want to admit it or not, we all have been where you are; so let me just say, you’re not alone. No matter if your friends are the best people in the world, I’m sure they’ve had enough of your sadness over a boy who you were never really with. But that’s what’s scary, it feels like you were together. No matter the amount of time, maybe a month, maybe a year, no matter what, you had enough time to gain feelings for another person and be vulnerable; and that in itself is a tough pill to swallow. Now, the one person you thought would never hurt you, did just what they promised they wouldn’t do, and now you’re left putting the pieces of your life back together.

Enough of the sappy stuff. Let me tell you that life goes on. Whether over a boy, or a grade, or whatever it is, I have always told my friends, “You’re going to make it to tomorrow.” And although it seems like the hardest feat you’ve ever endured, you are going to make it to tomorrow. And then, you’re going to make it to the next day. So it may seem that the day you end things with the boy you thought you were going to be with, is the worst day in the world, you are going to make it to tomorrow.

But even though you are going to make it to tomorrow, that doesn’t mean the situation doesn’t suck. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t cry. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be afraid or feel weird going to the bar you once loved, or the restaurant you guys would go to a lot, or the most common place to study on campus, in fear of seeing him. All of those feelings of uncertainty are totally normal, and in time, it will fade.

My friend once told me, this too shall pass.

So while you’re sad, or crying, or complaining about this boy, your friends might be telling you, “Get over it, you were never really together.” But I promise, it may take a while (seemingly forever), and as hard as it may be to believe right now, you will make it to tomorrow, and this too shall pass. Remember that.

With love from,

The girl who knows what it's like to have to get over the boy she never dated

Cover Image Credit: onehdwallpaper

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A Well-Deserved And Long Overdue Thank You To My Boyfriend

I know it's cliché, but he deserves it.

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Thank you for choosing me and loving me unconditionally every day. I do not deserve the love that you radiate, but I am beyond thankful for it. Thank you for showing me kindness in every action and for listening to every pointless story I have. Thank you for being the person I can go to 24/7 with any piece of news. Thank you for being the only person who can make me laugh when I am not in the mood at all. Thank you for picking up all of my pieces and wiping all of my tears. Thank you for making sure I always feel loved.

Thank you for believing in pinky promises just as much as I do and for making sure you never break them. Thank you for always reassuring me even though it gets annoying. Thank you for believing in me and pushing me out of my comfort zone. Thank you for knowing when I need a confidence boost, when I need a push, or when I just need a shoulder to cry on. Thank you for taking the time to learn everything about me.

Thank you for never giving up on me no matter how grumpy I get or how hard our week has been. Thank you for never going to sleep mad and always saying "I love you" before we leave. Thank you for the tight squeezes and play fights. Thank you for the deep belly laughs and jam sessions in the car. Thank you for the late-night phone calls when I can't sleep and for doing everything you can to make me better when I'm sick. Thank you for loving me no matter what and no matter when. Thank you for all of the memories. Thank you for holding on tight and never letting go.

Thank you for being everything I could ever want and for showing me what love really is.

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