Being a girl is hard enough without all the added drama that we cause for each other, and I've learned in my 20 years (and from being in a sorority) that it's an incredible thing when women learn how to support each other. But every single day, I see posts on social media of girls calling other girls "hoes," "b*tches," etc. I see girls putting each other down and laughing about it. And honestly, I'm just tired of it. There's nothing productive about tearing other women down, especially when you yourself know how difficult life as a girl can be. And I'm 100 percent guilty of this myself. I've definitely been there, been involved in drama and talked badly about other girls. However, this is a habit I'm trying to rid myself of, so here's the things I try to remind myself of when I'm tempted to fall back on toxic ways of tearing down other girls.
1. Other girls are not the competition.
When it comes to boys, jobs, school, whatever. Other girls are not competition, but the more you treat them like they are, the less happy you will be. Because when other girls become competition is when you're tempted to compare yourself to them, and nothing good ever comes from that. When you learn how to balance focusing on your own success with celebrating the success of the other girls around you and truly supporting them, you will gain an amazing support system because they will do the same for you.
2. Strong women shouldn't intimidate you, they should inspire you.
Don't allow looking at the strong women around you to intimidate you and think less of yourself. Instead, seek out the strong women and befriend them. The best way to handle jealousy is to redirect it to admiration. If you befriend the women who you want to be like, odds are they will help you not necessarily become like them, but help you become a better version of yourself.
3. You are who you surround yourself with... choose carefully.
If you're surrounding yourself with girls who don't have the same priorities as you, that is who you will become. This goes hand in hand with the last one. Surround yourself with women who inspire you, women who call you to a higher purpose and hold you to a higher standard. Your people should lift you up, not bring you down.
4. There is nothing cute about tearing other girls down to make yourself look better.
This one is my biggest pet peeve. I see it all the time and it drives me crazy. Why our generation has led girls to think saying things like, "You might hate on me but your boyfriend hits me up" is okay, I have no idea. But all I can say is that in an adult life, you have no time for that kind of insecurity and when it comes down to it, that's all that kind of talk comes down to. If you have enough time to hate on other women, you're doing something wrong.
5. Never say anything behind another girl's back you wouldn't say to her face.
I'll be the first to admit that I struggle with this one. It's inherent for us to shit talk, but if you are the same person face to face that you are behind someone's back, I promise you will have so many fewer problems. I learned this the hard way. Once you gain a reputation for being genuine and people trust you, you will be so much happier and the simplest way to this is to avoid gossiping.
6. Don't judge her off their appearance, social media or your first impression.
I struggle BIG TIME with this one. But I always try to remind myself that people can be one person on the outside and a completely different one on the inside, and when it comes to girls, we usually put on a front like this because we're scared others won't like us for who we truly are. But some of the most incredible people (especially girls) I've ever met are ones I didn't like at first. Sometimes, all someone needs is for someone to look for the good in them. There is nothing more amazing than watching what happens when someone is loved for exactly who they are. Try it sometime.
7. Try not to let anything to do with a boy, impact how you see a girl.
For me, being a girl with a lot of guy friends, this is tough. If I'm told by one of my guy friends that a girl is crazy, it's easy to believe them. But we all do crazy things sometimes when it comes to guys, so try not to judge a book by its cover (or from what guys tell you)
8. Kill them with kindness.
Even if another girl is nasty to you, even though it feels good to retaliate, you don't have to be nasty back. The classiest thing you can do is show respect and forgiveness to someone who doesn't deserve it, plus it makes you feel a million times better. Greet the hate with a smile and the nasty comments with a compliment and you'll feel like you're walking on air.
