It had never really dawned on me until someone asked one simple question, “How do you always have it all together?” Before explaining that my pants are actually quite stretchy and do a great job of holding everything in, I realized she was, in fact, not referring to the reigning control over my thunder thighs, but rather my life. To that I almost asked, “How do I always have it all together?” My guess is as good as anyone else’s.
For some reason, I radiate the idea that I am always put together, always on top of things and always ahead of the game. Maybe it’s because I rarely leave my room without a face full of makeup. Maybe it can all be attributed to my obsessive sense of organization, clearly portrayed in my self-made daily planner that outlines my hourly schedule. It might even be derived from the compulsive need I have to check, double-check and triple-check practically everything. Taking all of those factors into consideration, it isn’t really that peculiar that someone would seek advice from me about how to actually have it “all together.”
Sure, on the outside I’m the epitome of flawless composure, but try saying that to my anxiety, depression and stress and they might just fall off their pedestals from laughter. That “put together” look I sport on the daily is all thanks to the daunting insecurity that pops up every time I look in a mirror. Staying “ahead of the game” comes from the perfectionist mentality that I’ve developed over years of being too afraid to fail. Scheduled along in my planner, which is practically attached to my hip, is a 20-minute time slot for a nervous breakdown. Whatever my exterior is, the interior matches less than 70s apparel.
Through too many panic attacks to count, enough shed tears to fill a bathtub and thousands of sticky notes scribbled with “To Do” lists, I have come to realize the answer to the question I am so often asked. The secret to having it all together is to not. If I have learned anything in my two years as a college student, it is as follows:
1. Accept a lack of control
Even though it sounds like a perfectionist’s worst nightmare, understanding that not everything is controllable relieves enormous amounts of stress and worrying.
2. Meltdown
Really, go ahead and have a meltdown. Pushing everything to the back of your mind and bottling it up is only putting off the inevitable explosion of emotions that is only one snide criticism away. Periodically allowing a quick cry session, a page full of angry writing or just an hour of silence is more productive than letting all of those feelings build up.
3. Look at the big picture
This has by far been the best skill I’ve picked up in college. At first, bombing an assignment, losing that 4.0 GPA and sleeping through a class were the be-all and end-all of my existence. In realty, there is not a chance that I will give even the smallest care about any of those issues within the next year. Anytime I start to overreact to something trivial, I think, would "me" five years from now want to slap the "me" now, across the face for worrying about this?
No one has it all together all the time. If you’re reading this and say that you do, you’re a liar. As humans, we are imperfect beings, and our lives are not long enough to be spent chasing impossibility. If anything, we should just kick back and relax in our lives that will remain uncontrollably crazy. At least I know that is where I’ll be, forever basking in my lack of togetherness.
