I thought that leaving home and coming to college was going to be one of the hardest things I had ever done and if I'm being honest, it probably was. I spent weeks waking up disappointed that I wasn't surrounded by my light purple walls and my mother as my alarm clock. I looked at people confused if they referred to their dorm room as "home" or dreaded going home for the holidays. I did everything possible to make this new place feel like home—cozy rugs, a new bedspread, tea every morning, and stocking ice cream in the fridge. But nothing made it feel quite right—and I spent hours worrying and criticizing myself for being homesick. It took lots of tears, phone calls with mom, and self-evaluation to realize that maybe this self-criticism was at the heart of the problem.
When I began taking more notice of my own personality, my likes, my dislikes, my strengths, and weaknesses, and realizing my goals, suddenly this place, so far from home started to feel so familiar. I spent so long beating myself up over how unhappy I was, missing Netflix marathons with my mom and my dad's spaghetti and meatballs, that I began to miss the opportunities that college was offering to me to discover myself. I discovered small things about myself simply by paying attention to my own self as an independent person and what made me feel happy, like using a pink pen for all of my vocabulary words and grocery shopping. I also came upon some rather large aspects of my personality and lifestyle that I never took notice of before I was living on my own.
The most important discovery I made was that I am a homebody and that it was okay for me to feel out of place. I am a homebody in more than one sense. I am a homebody in that I yearned for my childhood home, rainy weekends in my favorite spot on the couch or exploring the wilderness of my backyard. But my homebodied personality also traveled with me to college in the traditional sense that I preferred to spend quiet time in my room, reading a book or watching my favorite movie rather than embarking on the fraternity party circuit or learning the latest drinking game. It took some time for me to accept that I may not be the stereotypical college student, anxious for freedom and to spend late nights procrastinating papers and gossiping. Everyone kept telling me that by simply changing my attitude, I could magically change the experience that I was having, suffering from homesickness and self deprecation. I thought this suggestion was impossible and I tried forcibly being an optimist and saw few results. It was not easy adapting to the unfamiliar environment that now surrounded me, but it was not impossible. By changing my lifestyle to revolve around the things that made me most happy: learning, fitness, and family I was able to adopt a weekly routine and along with this weekly routine came a sunshine of positivity.
For us homebodies, leaving home is not easy, particularly when embarking on a journey as huge as college, but happiness is obtainable even where there is adversity. My advice to you, is that you don't criticize yourself for simply being you and instead to take this time of independence to reflect on yourself. By taking the time to reflect you will be able to identify with yourself more fully than you have ever been able to before and this alone lends to more confidence and a healthier lifestyle. Even though, you are sleeping in a new bed and you can only fit half of your clothes in your new closet, keep in mind that the house of YOU will never stop being built.
