I dated my first boyfriend for a year and a half. I was 16 when we started dating, and toward the end of our relationship, I was beginning to look at colleges. I was only looking at schools near where he was planning on going, and I wouldn't entertain looking at other schools. I HAD to be near him because he was The One. We had plans for our life after graduating. We thought about where we wanted to live, picked out kids' names and counted down the days until we would be "starting our lives together." I was 17 when we broke up. He was my first love, and at that time, the only person I could imagine being in love with. The pain of the heartbreak was excruciating. The day we broke up, I played "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry on repeat for six straight hours, and then I decided to bleach and scrub my kitchen until it was spotless. I had terrible nightmares about seeing him again, and I made him into a villain I couldn't escape. I didn't think I was going to survive it.
But then I did. I survived it, learned from it, and grew from it. I mended my broken heart with the help of my friends, and I moved on. I've had my heart broken twice more since then, but I also had the same support each time to help me through it.
To my friends going through heartbreak, I want to offer you some advice.
1. Rely on your friends.
Your friends (and family!) are there to love you and help you put your pieces back together. Let them buy you ice cream and watch sappy movies with you, and let them tell you how great you are and how much your ex sucks. You need them more than you think you do.
2. Remember who you were before your ex.
You lived a happy, wonderful life before you dated this person. Remind yourself of the things that make you you and commit to doing or experiencing them every day. You as an individual are incredible, and the person you were with doesn't define you.
3. Don't torture yourself.
There are probably lots of unanswered questions and unexplained feelings that you're going to want to ask yourself over and over again. Don't. You aren't doing anything to make yourself feel better, especially since those questions most likely won't be answered.
4. Forgive and begin to let it go.
Take a deep breath, and as you exhale, release one small piece of sadness or anger you may be feeling about this breakup. As the days go on, continue to do that. Let one small piece go with each deep breath. Eventually you'll be left with no negative feelings.
5. Remember the good times.
After a while (you set your own pace, there isn't a dictated amount of time for you to get over someone), begin to remember anything about that person that was positive. Maybe it was a place you went, a movie you watched, or a joke you created together. Whatever it was, try to look back on it fondly. Those were good times while they happened, and there's no reason to avoid the memories.
These things won't be able to happen all at once or right away. It takes time to forgive and put yourself back together. But if you rely on your friends and give yourself time to heal, eventually your broken heart will mend itself.
