This one's for my little punk brother who just entered the teen years. First off, I can't believe you're already 13. Next year you'll be going to high school, and I will have to write you an entirely new letter when we hit that phase. But for now, here is some advice I wish someone would have told me.
1. Middle school kids can be mean.
There are no two ways about it and without a doubt, someone will pick on you at some point. Everyone feels uncomfortable in their own skin, and they deal with that by attempting to point fingers at each other. You can't always be the hero, but you can always be kind. You will continue to see these kids around you grow into young adults, and the things that matter right now won't matter later on down the road. But if there is one thing people always remember, it's how you treated them. It's hard to stick up for yourself, so do it for those who can't.
2. Get offline.
Okay, I know you will completely ignore this whole section if I actually asked you to get off your phone and laptop for good. So just hear me out. Everything you do online is PERMANENT. Think of every post, message, and photo you share as a tattoo on your body. Extreme, right? But it's true, they are all now part of your image once you put them out in the world. I get that everything is online and that's how everyone communicates at your age. The pro to this is that you have time to think before you speak. So make sure you do.
3. Mom and Dad talk.
You're trying to figure yourself out, and mom and dad are not going to like it. You're going to be moody and too cool for them. But you have to remember that in their eyes you're still just a little kid. I'm in my twenties, and I think they still see me as a little kid. I promise later on you'll appreciate it. Here is the other thing, they are not always going to be right. But they will always win. The sooner you accept the reality of that, the better your relationship with them will be.
4. Along with that, be honest.
Honesty got me a long way. Be honest with your parents, your teachers, your peers, and especially yourself. Lying is so much work. If you mess up, just own it. Apologize, and learn from your mistakes. In regards to mom and dad, honesty will be your best friend. The best way to get freedom is being open about what you're up to, where you're at, and what you want. Sometimes it will be difficult for them to hear, but the thing is they were kids once and they'll always come around. They might even have some good advice. And be honest with yourself. You know right from wrong, be honest with yourself about your actions. Life gets a lot easier once you are the one in charge of holding yourself accountable.
5. Stay away from the bad eggs.
This one is difficult because it's hard to tell who they are at this age. But here's the thing, you can't blame your friends for an action that you did yourself. It's a lot more difficult to stay out of trouble when you're surrounded by bad eggs. Make it easier on yourself and just stay away from them. And no, this doesn't mean you have to be rude or even let them know you don't want to hang out with them. If you're the nice guy, your friend group will be plenty big without them.
6. Your social life is not your only life.
Yup, I'm still trying to find the balance in my life too. It is very difficult to put priorities before hanging out with friends. You just have to attempt to try to find balance and odds are it will take you awhile to figure it out. You don't have to miss out on everything, but just get your stuff done. There is no cheating time, you have to learn to use it to your advantage if you ever plan on getting all of your things done.
7. Everything right now is extremely temporary.
The trends, the gossip, even some of your friends. It's difficult to hear, but these surface level things won't matter one day. Having the coolest shoes in middle school isn't something people will remember. Don't get too hung up on stuff. Along with this, find inspiration from real things. Maybe it's drawings, or good books, or writing short stories, or people you look up to. Be a person with sustenance and opinions. The quicker you know what you like, the easier it becomes to feel comfortable in your skin.
8. You are healthy.
So be happy. You are able to play sports, learn in a classroom, and breathe on your own. There is a lot to be grateful for. Even after a really bad day, this is something you have that is completely yours. Enjoy it, be grateful, and give thanks. The world can be dark and scary, and as you get older you'll continue to see more of this. Use your healthiness to be a pleasant human being.
9. You are not entitled to anything.
This is just a generation thing, mine included. So I had to put it on here. If there is anything you take away from this article, let it be this. No one owes you anything. If you want to go to college, you need to work hard. If you want to be the best on the basketball team, you need to work hard. Even if you just want to hang up your report card on the fridge, you need to work hard. Hard work never goes out of style.
10. You can't be the best at everything, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.
You will fail. We are not made to be the best at everything. And realistically, you will not be able to achieve every single dream you've ever had for yourself. You will face challenges and limitations. You will also embarrass yourself a lot along the way and make mistakes. But if you continue to work hard and never quit dreaming, it won't matter. You're only 13 years old and you have an entire life to mold completely into your own. Feel good about yourself and make it count.
Good luck,
Your big sis
