Lately, I've been worrying about my future. College students do this often. Should I change my major? My minor? What job should I get on campus? Will I get a job when I graduate? How will I pay off my college loans? There are too many questions and not enough solid answers. Yet, more and more, I'm beginning to realize that this is the nature of adulthood and it makes me more intensely hesitant to grow up.
College is a strange time for the students who attend. We are considered adults by societal standards, but we also look forward to going home so that we don't have to pay for anything. We are "second class" adults, because we are all terrible at adulting. Adulting is a universal verb in the college world. In fact, ask any college student how they "adulted" today. Their responses will sound something like, "Well, I actually did my laundry today!" or "I have a full tank of gas in my car now!" or, in my case, "I finally made my bed properly!" We are so bad at doing the little tasks that real adults seem to find automatic, almost second nature.
In my experience, I don't even try to prove that I'm an adult. I know that I can't do anything without asking my mom how to do it first. I mean, in all honesty, I still don't know how to put on a scarf, which is problematic in the winter. I can't make my own cup of hot chocolate because it never turns out the way I want. And, yet, others depend on me for certain tasks, like working the DVD player in the hall lobby, or my ability to edit their research papers that are due at midnight. I'm not entirely hopeless, even though it can feel that way sometimes.
People say that life is a test. Well, every college student knows that some people aren't good test takers. I often feel like adulthood should require an application, where an adultier adult is able to look over it and determine whether or not we should pursue adulthood. I imagine the response to go something like this:
After careful consideration of your application, we have determined that you are not cut out for adulthood, so you may go back to your Mommy and Daddy and watch cartoons for the rest of your life. Thank you for your consideration and I wish you luck for the remainder of your days.
How great would that be? Unfortunately, we don't get this option. We are guppies thrown into the middle of a shark tank. Some of us will learn to fend for ourselves and survive, but this is a journey that often feels unreachable. How can we ever learn if we never know what we're doing?
I am not an adult! I spend too much time watching Spongebob. I still know the dances to all the High School Musical songs! I laugh way too hard at stupid puns that really are not that funny! I also hate coffee and I don't think that many real adults can do typical daily functions without coffee. Still, through all this struggle to perfect my ability to adult, I have learned that I do have some adult qualities. For example, much like other adults, I am a nurturing person. I like to take care of people, to be depended on. I'm usually pretty smart with the way I spend money. I even did my laundry this weekend! I'm more of an adult now than I was weeks ago, which is a slow process, but one worth enduring.
Growing into adulthood is hard, especially when there is always so much to do. It's important that, in the midst of all the craziness, we slow down and thank God for giving us the ability to make decisions and discern right from wrong. Instead of panicking over circumstances we can't control, we must learn to rely on God and allow him to show us the way. Panic is a universal verb in the adulting world. But, with God on my side, and a little trial and error, I will learn to grow into adulthood without the worry, panic, and hardship we thrust on ourselves. I will be the shark among other sharks eventually. For now, I'll just enjoy being the guppy that takes nothing seriously. It goes by all too fast anyhow.
