So you finally worked up the courage to ask that cutie on a date and then you totally blew it by accidentally saying you think his roommate is hot, or you read off the list of baby names you and your ex wrote together. Happens to all of us, right? Right?
This was the subtext you meant to send: I've got a great sense of humor. I'm fun, smart, driven, a real go-getter, reliable, really into you but not so much that it's weird—if it doesn't work out, I'll be OK. But I'd really like a second date! *wink*
But here's the subtext he actually got: I am so not interested in you. Please get me out of here. Or just kill me. I'd rather die. But we can be friends? Just, please, no more dates!
And how did you manage to give him all the wrong signals? You probably took advice from this list...
1. Actually say "there's nothing to read into here"
One time a guy asked me out and said he was glad I was a “cool” girl, because other girls might “read into it.” I later found out he did like me, but was just nervous. Now I have a bit of paranoia—sure, he said he wasn’t interested, but maybe he didn’t mean to say that? I should ask again.
2. Call him "buddy"
You didn’t mean to, but it just slipped out. I recently went on a pseudo-date with a guy I liked and at the end I said, “Well, thanks for hanging out, buddy!” Not kidding. I said that. Other options include friend, pal, and so on.
3. Talk about an ex
At a certain point, it’s healthy to talk about previous relationships with a girl you’re dating. But on a first date, bringing up your ex and telling a story about her may give your new crush the wrong idea. She may end up distracted, wondering, "Is he not over her? Does he think we’re just, like, best friends? Is he doing this to purposefully tell me he’s not into me?" And talking trash about an ex might not be a great idea either, as your potential honey-boo-boo could worry about what you’d say about her someday, should things not go all sunshine and daisies.
4. Talk about how dreamy someone else is
One minute you’re trying to say you think his roommate is cool; the next minute, you’re saying you have a total thing for athletes (which your crush is not.) But it’s too weird to backtrack and explain that you didn’t mean to say you had a thing for his roommate, or that his non-athleticism doesn’t preclude him from being the object of your affection, and…oh, forget it.
5. Give him a high-five at the end
The guy I called buddy? Yeah, I high-fived him while I said that. Then walked away.
Are you cringing yet? If any of these sound familiar, you are not alone. You messed up, and it's awkward, and I'm going to pretend I don't know you for a while. But fear not—none of these are dealbreakers. You can recover. Don't believe me? Every single one is an example of something that happened early on with me and a guy that I ended up dating. So if you accidentally say, “You’re like a brother to me!” to the guy you’re hoping to meet under the mistletoe, fear not—a recovery is possible (once you get over kicking yourself and feeling so awkward you think you might die.)
