Accepting someone's apology may be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do. How do you accept an apology from someone who has hurt you beyond words can explain, how do you accept someone's apology who broke the person that you were, everything that you stood for? It's nearly impossible, right? Wrong. I learned that sometimes you can forgive someone, I learned that sometimes you care for someone so much you have no choice but to forgive them. We have been tough taught and conditioned to forgive but never forget, and although that is the ideal thing to do to forever have a guard up, you will always carry resentment towards that said person and will never truly allow yourself to move on forward in life with them. Both parties of this situation grow from the issue and the resolution. You learn that you can finally forgive them when you can see they learned from their destructive actions.
"I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." - Maya Angelou
You forgive because you have learned to feel better. We must learn to accept apologies when we see them best fitting, when we see that our point was made. I have so strongly believed that people play roles in our lives in which they are done teaching us a lesson they walk out, they have served their purpose so we essentially do not need them anymore. Be gone. But what if they have more lessons to teach you? What if they remind you again what it is like to be warm and kind again and what if your lesson to them is no longer finished. What if you teach them what it is like to bring down their walls again, and let people in.
My thing is maybe we should just accept apologies but sometimes that is easier said than done. Here are the best ways I've learned to cope and accept apologies:
1. You need to let the pain be felt. You need to be angry at them and let it all out, whatever outlet you find most fitting you must use it, until you are emotionally and mentally drained. Until you can no longer feel anymore pain.
2. Break down the issues, figure out at first who is at fault and the root to it all. Then after doing so figure out if one party overreacted or misinterpreted the issue, took it too personal or maybe did not take it personal enough.
3. Now here is the tricky part, you can wait for the other party to reach out to you, meaning they would have had to put their pride aside, or reach out to them after you are prepared. When doing so make sure you are in the right mindset. Approaching any situation with hostility makes matters worst especially if you decide to be passive aggressive.
4. Hear them out: let them explain their part and then doing so decide if you want to accept their words. Decide if what they had to say was actually genuine or if it was yet another rehearsed script that they have repeated over and over again to other people they messed up with.
5. Never accept an apology, if it is not in person. Because the way they speak to you and their tone is a huge deciding factor on if they mean it. And remember most importantly if you hear something you do not like, take a deep breath, do not disregard someone's opinions or feelings because you do not like them.
6. Do not accept a half-assed apology because you desperately wanted one, sometimes they are not sorry and you do just have to let yourself deal with that. And if you never get an apology remember, silence speaks louder than words. You will learn to move past that and accept the reality of what it means, the end.
7. Continue on, right where you left off whether that had been in a friendship, relationship, or work environment.
At the end of the day you are so much better off accepting an apology if given one. You are able to finally feel a sense of closure. And you wiil then be able to continue with something that may potentially be life growing and changing. I want you to learn one thing, it is not weak to accept someone's apology, as hurt as you are they could be just as hurt if not worse for hurting you. I am not justifying their actions or letting you think that what they did is okay, but I want you to understand that sometimes people deserve forgiveness. For all you know you could be the only thing that person had and without you maybe they give up on themselves. Or then again maybe they are better off without you, maybe they did not care about you and maybe, just maybe you meant nothing. But an apology nonetheless requires a lot of thought and the ability to be genuine. So if you ever have the chance to get an apology, one that you decided you no longer needed, accept it. You will feel better about yourself and help someone else move forward with their life.