You're good enough.
Lately I've been feeling that no matter what I do, I just don't measure up. It’s kind of a let down in a lot of ways. It’s a let down to myself; I haven't always on struggled this much with my confidence. It’s a let down to those close to me; though they may be kind enough to never judge me for it, they have to hear me bash myself and just be ladened down by my incessant negativity frequently, and that's an emotional strain on anyone. It’s a let down to whomever is feeling disappointed by me.
I started writing this and thought, well, I guess I'll end in a cliché. I'll tell my readers that the yardstick they should measure their own success and worth by should be crafted by none other than themselves. Maybe I’ll recant to them what my yoga instructor recited in class the other day: “You are perfect. You are whole. You are complete. Nothing and no one can undo the divine incarnation that is you.” (I mean, hey, it brought me to tears).
But hanging out with a close friend of mine that has also found herself semi wallowing in a kiddie-sized pool of despair really left me thinking another way:
Give yourself permission.
It is okay to be sad. It is okay to cry. It is okay to feel worthless. It is okay to feel hopeless. It is okay to feel let down. It is okay to not feel up to whatever it is that others expect you to do. It is okay to not put on that happy face if you're struggling to do so.
Remember that your existence and your actions do not exist to serve anyone other than yourself. Being thoughtful and mindful is still self-serving and gratifying in a way, so I'm not giving you permission here to be the most selfish waste of life imaginable.
It’s so simplistic, but I think that, at our cores, we are quick to be kind to and accepting of others and slow to pay that same respect to ourselves.
As I've gotten older, I've noticed that everyone is not a guarantee. It’s a bit sad, but it’s just reality. Anyone can vanish from your life. Things and circumstances and yellow tape of friendship and love and relationships can really stand in your way of your own happiness if you've depended on others for permission to be yourself and exhibit some self love.So just know, that if you’re aching and afraid and unsettled, you don't have to feel any other way until you are ready to.