After a triumphant victory at the state quiz bowl tournament, the academic team of Delaware High returned home to a hero’s welcome. Not only was it a momentous day for the team, it was also a historic occasion for our country. Delaware High’s academic team was the first academic team in our nation to ever get widespread congratulations from their school and community on their achievements.
Our news team was the first on the scene, and one of our reporters described the festivities as “a frenzy of school pride” and “the biggest display of passion for education and intelligence that I have ever borne witness to.” (Note: We do not condone ending a sentence with a preposition, but as we are quoting her, we could not legally change it. MLA Police and all that.) Our reporter, after telling us how she felt (with horrific sentence structure, we might add), decided to interview one of the students in the crowd. Nick Douglas was asked how he felt about the victory, to which he replied, “It’s amazing. I’ve never been prouder to know that my educational journey has led me to this school. The sheer amount of intelligence and dedication in this room (and in my peers) makes me want to tear up; not out of jealousy, of course.” We are dubious of his final statement, but regardless, we asked him how he felt about the victory that the football team had last week. “Wait...our school has a football team? Football is a sport of sheer muscle and requires no knowledge or skill. On the other hand, quiz bowl requires extensive knowledge of history, science, literature, math, and fine arts (among other things). Even if I had known we have a football team, I don’t think I would’ve been very excited about their victory, the meatheads.”
But fear not, fellow football fanatics, Delaware High is an anomaly, and most high schools around the nation still completely disregard their academic team and worship the football players. The glorification of sports will not die, for now.
*Seriously though, please give your academic team a "congratulations." They work hard and would more than likely enjoy being recognized.*
*Also, this is satire.*
