Anxiety is a f***ing bitch. This goes for any degree of anxiety. I cannot speak about other people's experiences simply because I am not them. I am me, and I will address my anxiety here.

The first clear memories I have in regards to anxiety start at around my later years in grade school. I was trying to finish a science project on plants the day before it was due. I had a lot of material left to put together. As the clock inched further to bedtime, I could feel a vice grip starting to form around my throat. I could feel it again when I was doing another school project. I knew that feeling this anxious wasn't normal. This is one of my physical symptoms. I'm feeling it now.

My procrastination coupled with anxiety made for a bad marriage. Now I can easily say that my procrastination has lessened significantly. They got separated, but not yet divorced.

I hate how anxiety and fear have prevented me from doing the things I wanted. For fear of what other people might think or for thinking I could never do those things. Not speaking up when I should have and regretting it too many times. For overthinking way too much or worrying about the future. Too many times have I been on my phone at night instead of sleeping because I did not want tomorrow to come.

Whenever I catch myself thinking about the past, and the things I could have done differently, I remind myself of a quote I heard from a TV show. When the lead character was sailing away from home to go to war with his two sons he said to them, "Don't waste your time looking back, we're not going that way."

About a month ago, someone told me that anxiety occurred in our early ancestors when their environment was fraught with the dangers of nature. Fight or flight they said; since we're not dealing with said dangers anymore, anxiety comes from other things now. This helped me understand anxiety from a technical point of view.

This year, my anxiety has spread to not just academics, but life after college; a life that has yet to pass. What do I want to be after college? What do I want your career to be? Honestly I don't know for sure yet. With college and my schooling coming to a close, I am forced out of the bubble I have gotten so accustomed to. This is when I thanked my anxiety.

Thanks to anxiety, I have learned that nothing lasts forever. Not the good, not the bad, not anything really. Another thing the same person above told me was that the more we are exposed to the things that cause our anxiety, the less we feel anxious the next time we confront it; it's all about the practice. I remember one time during class we were having a group discussion about something I don't remember. One person said that in order to become comfortable, you have to be uncomfortable; now I understand what they meant.

Thanks again for making me realize that I'm afraid of growing up. Thanks for proving what that person said about exposure was right. I still hate your guts, but it is what it is. Whenever I feel like giving up, I think of what Samwise Gamgee once said, "There is some good in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for."