For just about every female, many of us can't wait until the day we are holding a bundle of joy rocking it until he or she falls asleep.
We've wondered what they'll look like and all the many adventures we will get to enjoy that come along with motherhood.
For me, it's vastly different. I believe if I were to conceive a child and allow it to be brought into this world, it would be the most selfish decision I could make.
You may be thinking I am partaking in a moment of delinquency and being an indecisive and fickle human like myself, how dare I rule out a decision that's so big especially at such a young age.
But, here me out.
Being born with a genetic disorder and watching my sister suffer from it too, is nothing short of easy and I could never in a million years even begin to fathom bringing a child into the world knowing he or she could potentially have merely the same life as we do.
As most of my memories from my childhood have faded, there's a few that forever haunt my memory and have made not wanting children of my own an incredibly easy decision.
I distinctly remember the moments I became familiar with the brink of death and living in a bed that wasn't my own. I became all too familiar with being smothered by a nausea smell and given a life I never asked for.
At one point, I relied on a trach to help me breathe and a feeding tube to keep me alive among a plethora of other fancy medical equipment.
I also remember the times, watching my sister as she was swiftly taken away on wheel and surrounded by strangers who were holding her life in their hands. I watched as her tears fell down her face and there was nothing I could do to change that or alleviate her worry. I remember the times where the outcome could never be certain and my anxiety trickled down so deep not even the ocean would be able to reach.
This genetic disorder I was given plagues individuals, like myself and my sister, with fused vertebrates, bug like eyes, and demands dozens of surgeries, making life a never ending challenge. While it also manifests itself in an assortment of ways, we, unfortunately, suffer the "worst kind." We have fused elbows, making everyday tasks nearly impossible to accomplish.
For me, it's an easy decision not to have children of my own. Perhaps, I'll adopt one day, we will see. But, one thing for sure, I'll never bring a child into the world with the same condition as I have.
I feel sorry for my parents as they were faced with daily unknowns. For me, I selfishly can not bring a child who's born with a condition that ultimately permeates their life in a devastating number of ways.
Granted, technology is changing every day, and we are continually advancing. I am also very young to even begin to map out a future family. Of course, if things become different and I can carry a child with 100 percent certainty that it's not affected with the genetic mutation I was given, of course, I would be honored to become the little one's mother.