I've been told that the relationship after a toxic relationship will be the hardest one. And it was. I needed a lot of reassurance, which you were good at, at first. I explained my hurt to you. I talked to you about some of my darkest moments. I broke down my walls for you. We would laugh for hours together. Then you left.
But you didn't actually leave; you simply stopped putting in effort. The good morning texts stopped and I no longer heard from you until the evenings. You stopped calling me babe or baby; which I know to you seems so silly, that I got upset over that. But I got upset over it because I could feel you slipping away.
I held on so tight for so long. Too long. I let you pop in and out of my life, secretly hoping you would come to your senses and stay. But you didn't. I even entertained the idea of our relationship just being sex. Thinking that maybe you would miss what we had at the beginning and miss how caring I was to you on. But again, you didn't.
You quickly turned into this guy who didn't know what he wanted. You told me you liked spending time with me. You told me I was amazing and that if we didn't work out that it would be your loss; yet you let me go.
You left me so confused and hurt.
The saddest part is that I have questioned my worth every day because of your indecisive decisions. I keep wondering why I wasn't enough. I can't wrap my head around the fact that it was so easy for you to act like I didn't exist. Especially after I would re-read our text messages all the way from the beginning. I sit here and cry wondering where it all went wrong. And I know, you probably think I'm being dramatic but little do you know, you're the first guy to make me feel alive again. And that to me, was special.
So you broke me. You destroyed whatever peace I had created inside myself. I now feel like I took ten steps back from all the progress I've made. It hurts. I want the pain to stop. I wish I could go back to the day we met because I would have stayed in bed all day so that I could save myself from the heartache you've caused.
We grow up watching fairytale movies with the picture-perfect endings. We watched love grow and prosper in ways, 9 times out of 10, doesn't happen in real life. Love is so complicated. I believe what we had was more complicated than it needed to be. I believe that you didn't put your all into this because you're scared it could be the real deal. I feel sorry for you because I know what I have to offer and I know you will now look for me in every girl here on out. But you won't find a single girl that is down for you the way I was. It truly is your loss, baby.
