To My Ex:

Things weren't working out. I know that, you knew that. So we ended things, we ended on my birthday so that wasn't fun. But I moved on, I moved forward. That's what you do. I never expected a year and a half later I would get a call that you were gone. I never thought it would hurt me like this. It was over, you had a new girlfriend, I had a new boyfriend. But when my friend called, when he said the words I'll never forget, "I don't know how to tell you this, Scott died" that was a pain I have never experienced before.

Time has gone on and it's been over a year since that call, but part of me stays in that moment.

I feel part of me will never get to move forward, I have guilt and pain that I don't think will ever leave me. You were someone I loved. At one point, you were the sunshine in the rain, my best friend, my person. I feel guilty thinking of you like that, I feel bad feeling that way. You were no longer mine anymore, so why do I get to remember you like you were?

I don't know if the pain or the guilt ever ends or even gets easier, but I know I have to keep going. I always wonder if you're up there laughing at me when I think about you. If you're thinking "this girl has got to calm down, why was she always so anxious?" But I know you also are looking down remembering our moments at the beach and with our friends and the first time we kissed. You understand, and that's enough for me to keep going on.

So until we meet again, thanks for the good times. I wouldn't trade them for the pain or the guilt.

With Love,

Your Ex