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a letter to my first boyfriend

thank you for letting me realize my worth.

Shelby Desjarlais
Jan 10, 2019
20
a letter to my first boyfriend
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Did you think this would be some ode praising you for everything that you tried to do for me? Well, you're wrong. Two weeks from now will mark one year since you crushed my heart into pieces and next month would have been our two years anniversary. Yes, I'm well over you and I'm so relieved I'm not "yours" anymore, but these are my last words to you, things I never got the chance to tell you before you stranded me.

When we first met, I thought you were the most wholesome and caring young man I had ever met. You, like every other douchebag, starts off to be, listened to my problems and pretended to care about me. I wish it didn't take me so long to realize that you were just desperate and wanted another body. I was in ninth grade, so I was clueless and naive. I wish I would have known back then that you were nothing but toxic and selfish. But, on the other hand, I am extremely thankful for you. I am thankful that our breakup and your harsh words made me realize my worth and helped grow closer to many people. While we were dating, I was so insecure and nervous all the time; worried about my appearance 24/7. I was pulled away from my closest friends and I was frequently in situations where I heavily doubted my self. Now, I can go in public almost completely confident and self-assured about my self and powerful at the same time. The day you broke up with me and used the excuse "'Sorry, I am going through too much for a relationship...'" then continued to go and date someone else right after, was not only heartbreaking, but pathetic. You're a coward, and always will be. I started to realize that you were getting bored of me towards the end, and it was so embarrassing to me. I tried everything to save us, but your pride got in the way. And then, out of selfishness, you deserted me.

Because of everything that you put me through for those long eleven months and the long and dramatic break-up that we had, I have raised my standards, realized who I am, begun to genuinely love others, not shut out anyone so I could focus on you; my grades are going up, and my favorite part? Being myself for a change. So thank you for ruining my life and shattering my heart and leaving me. I would not be who I am right now if you had not let your pride get in the way of our "love" or whatever I thought we had.


xoxo, Shelby

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