Dear Dad,

I would first like to say that I appreciate your effort in trying to gain back my trust again, and admitting where you went wrong in my life, but sometimes good things come when it's just too late. Growing up I used to always see all of my friends with their dads, and I always wished that you would eventually fill that void I felt in my heart every time I wished I was one of those girls. I would come home and call you over and over again everyday after school, and time after time I got put to voicemail. But still, I never lost hope in our relationship. I would come over to your house and tell you all about my accomplishments in school, and never once did you make me feel like they mattered. I'll never forget my 12th birthday when I did my hair in a bun, and i felt so beautiful all night until I went to dinner with you and you told me the bun made my face look fat. I ran into the bathroom to put my hair down, and never once did I ever wear it up again while I was with you. But still, I never lost faith in our relationship. I'll never forget my father daughter dance in 3rd grade, where all I wanted to do was dance with my daddy but instead you stayed on your phone all night. But still I never lost faith in our relationship. The day you met your wife, and all the times she gave birth to my siblings, I thought for sure we would become closer and things would change. That was until I went on facebook to see my new baby brother and found a family photoshoot with the new baby that had happened right after I had left the hospital from visiting. But still, I never lost hope in our relationship. I'll also never forget all those times I walked into your house and found collages all over your wall of family photoshoots, in which I was never involved in. When I asked you why I was never invited, your excuses were "They were just a spur of the moment thing." If you had time to gather an entire matching wardrobe for 6 people, then you had time to invite me. Another time that I will never forget is the day you told me that you would take me to Disney World with your wife and my siblings. Then while scrolling through facebook a few months later, I seen pictures of you guys on an airplane heading to Disney World. But still, I never lost hope in our relationship. I went through so many years searching for approval from you. I got good grades, I participated in sports, and many other things just to make you proud and not once did I ever feel like any of that mattered. I pushed so many of my closest family and friends away because they told me you would never change, but still I never lost hope in our relationship. Now i'm an adult and I still mourn at times when I think about why you never tried, but with all of those tears came a lot of realizations and lessons. Although your apology is appreciated and acknowledged, I just only wish that it came sooner. I remember the days where I would lay in bed and think about what I would say to you when you finally realized all the moments in my life you had missed out on. I would reminisce on all the bad things you've done to me and I would tell myself that I would reply to your apology with questions on why you did the things you did. I would go back and fourth on whether I should ask why you never picked up your phone when I called, or even simple questions like why you were never proud of me. I would lay in bed and dwell on things like this, just begging God that I would one day get the answers I had been waiting for. Then the day had finally came last week when you sent me a huge apology for missing out on so much and begging for a spot in my life again. Surprisingly I no longer care to ask why you never picked up your phone when I called, or why you never took the time to be proud of me. I no longer need those answers, because I realized for all those calls you declined, my mother was there to support me when I cried my eyes out wondering why you didn't want to talk to me. For all those times I wondered why you were never proud of me, my mom made sure to make even my smallest accomplishments feel like the biggest ones. My happiness no longer consists of your little hugs I had to beg for, or the "I love you's" I would get once a year. My happiness now comes from all of the people who have been there for me through everything, for all of the accomplishments I have made for myself and my well being, but most importantly my happiness comes from the relief of finally letting go of things that only bring me down. Not all of my questions need answers, and this ending no longer needs closure. I now just ask you to stay away. I ask that you respect my decision on having a life without you in it. The last and final thing that I ask of you, is that you take all of your regret for all of the things you've done to me and you take it as a lesson and learn from it. Please do things differently with my siblings, and be the father to them that I never got the chance to see or experience. I mentioned plenty of times in this letter about how despite all of the things you did, I never once lost hope in our relationship. But now, I can finally say that all of those hopes, and "what if's" have finally been laid to rest. The last thing you said to me in your apology letter is that you hope that I find all it is i'm looking for in life, and from the bottom of my heart, I hope you do too.

I wish you nothing but the absolute best in life,

Brooke