the one thing you need to understand for a healthy relationship

the one thing you need to understand for a healthy relationship

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We met in my second semester of Senior Year, AKA the height of my laziness and homebody personality. It wasn't love at first sight or anything crazy like that, and the way we met was literally the definition of awkward high schoolers.

See, he had actually met a friend of mine, who, in her infinite wisdom, thought we'd make a good match. It took over 5 months and two meetings for us to finally start talking. He was cute and smart. Funny, but not obnoxiously so. I found myself in awe sometimes, knowing how he had gotten into such amazing colleges, and seeing how easily the people around him accepted him. I was awkward (still am!) and tentatively exploring what it meant to be grown up, owning your own sexuality, and feeling comfortable in your own skin.

He left for Korea on a 3 month trip only a month after he formally asked me out, and a part of me was devastated thinking that this is how it would end, so soon after it started. It didn't though, not even after I went on a 2 week trip of my own. The sole reason why it didn't, and why we still continue even after two years of a highly emotional and growth filled time, was communication.

Okay, maybe you were expecting something crazier than that, but honestly that's all it was. Communication was the basis for understanding, and understanding made all those nights spent apart feel not quite as lonely. Of course, it's never as easy as those self-help/gossip mags make it out to be. It's hard. Laying yourself bare to a person that you don't quite know if you'll have a long future with and trusting that they will accept this raw and personal part of you while waiting with baited breath for them to do the same. He did though, and he shared more of himself than I ever thought possible and made me feel so incredibly comfortable to confide in him my own thoughts and emotions.

Here's a tip. If you don't feel comfortable with talking about your insecurities and relationship fears with your significant other, especially if you've approached that point in the relationship when it feels like it's been awhile, ask yourself, are they the one for you? Or perhaps you just need a little more time exploring who you are own your own?

My dad always had a phrase he'd like to use. Translating from Vietnamese to English, it essentially meant, "Don't take the trash into the house." We deal with enough shit in our regular lives. A selfish coworker, an over dramatic family member, or a friend who's just constantly making bad decisions (bless them). A relationship should be a safe space, a reprieve from all of that. I'm a big believer in having your significant other also be on the level of a best friend. And what do best friend's do? They talk! If you have a problem, make the time to sit down, maybe after dinner or an episode of your favorite show, and flesh out why you feel the way you do. Be straightforward, but not blunt (bluntness has its uses, but not when you're addressing someone you love). You'll find that often times things can work out better than you previously believed, and maybe your partner has something to bring up as well. What doesn't help is being passive aggressive, or keeping it all inside you until you want to burst.

It's cheesy, but when I'm with him, I feel like nothing else quite matters. He makes me feel better, and he draws me out of the negative spaces my mind tends to go. He's willing to try anything at least once and I trust him with my heart and my life. We are not perfect, by a long stretch, but we are trying. And, at the end of the day, I know that I can always hit him up to chat about anything and everything.


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11 Ways You Found The Cristina To Your Meredith

"We're friends, real friends, and that means, no matter how long it takes, when you finally decide to look back, I'll still be here."
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The term "my person" describes the relationship between two people who have reached the highest level of friendship. They're people who have ridden the roller coaster of life together for so long that their lives would be boring without each other. In "Grey's Anatomy," the characters of Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang describe each other as each other's "person." They have a perfect friendship. Everyone (including myself) strives to achieve a friendship like theirs. What is it like to have "your person?"


1. Your person will tell it like it is.

If you think that your new haircut looks bad or if that dress makes you look fat, your person is always there to reassure you that nobody cares.


2. Your person is always on your team.

Whether it's an argument between you and your parents or you and your boyfriend/girlfriend, your person will always be there. They will go to bat for you 10/10 times and they will always be there to have your back.


3. Your person will celebrate the small victories with you.

Did you go an entire day without crying? Awesome, let's celebrate! Did you eat something other than chocolate chip cookies for breakfast? That's wonderful! The small victories count the most.


4. They will listen to you, even when you are ranting about the craziest things.

Let's face it, we have all been there. When it's late at night and we're laying in bed, thinking of the world's hardest questions, and you start to think about crazy scenarios, your person is always there to listen.


5. People instantly think that you and your person are a couple.

You aren't a couple, you just understand each other on a much higher level, so people think that you guys are in a relationship. Just go with it.


6. Your person isn't afraid to tell you that they are embarrassed by you.

Everyone gets embarrassed about each other at one point or another. Most people just pretend that it doesn't happen. Your person is going to flat out tell you that your actions and the things that you say embarrass the crap out of them.


7. Your person isn't afraid to knock you down a few notches.

Just when you think that you are on top of the world, your person will come and pop the growing balloon known as your head. They aren't afraid to snap you back into reality.


8. They will build you up faster than they will tear you down.

Yes, they will bring you back to reality and tell you like it is, but they will also be the first one to encourage you and to tell you how wonderful you are.


9. Your person is not afraid to call your bluff.

They will call you out on your BS and make you tell them how you really feel, so they can help fix you.


10. You stick together no matter what.

Even though you get mad at each other, or don't speak for a few days, you will always stick together.


11. In the end, no matter what, no matter who comes in and out of your life, your person will always be your person.

Your person is there no matter what. They care when no one else does and they are always there to hold your hand.

Find your person and never let them go. They are your best friend, your worst enemy, and your biggest critic, but they know you better than you know yourself sometimes.

As for my "person," you know who you are. I love you and couldn't do life without you.

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To My Best Friend At A Rival University

No amount of school rivalry could ever change our friendship.

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In high school, we were practically inseparable- you and I and all of our friends. Even though we saw each other every day during the week (when both of us decided to actually go to school, at least; senioritis was real and it was rough), we usually saw each other at least once over the weekend, whether it be a coffee date at Starbucks, a sleepover, or a trip to the movies.

We would go on spontaneous trips to the local ice cream shop (for us, it was Twistee Treat) far too often for our own good. We spent so many summer days at theme parks, followed by sleepovers that consisted of painting each other's nails, baking break-and-bake cookies, and falling asleep in the middle of 'Men in Black.'

Now, we attend rival universities. The stories we share involve names and places foreign to the other. We each have friends that know us apart from one another. Some days, we hardly get a moment to talk, other than sending funny memes back and forth through Instagram.

Though it may seem like being away at rival schools would hurt our friendship, I think it's only made us closer.

When I come to visit you (or you visit me), we always make the most of our time, knowing that it's limited. We often do the same things we would've done at home, but in new locations, which makes it even more fun. Sometimes, I wish we would've chosen the same school- because having your best friend with you, sharing new experiences is always better than not- but I know we're each happy where we are. We're making new friends and new memories, which makes for new stories to share with one another.

I know that I can share anything with you without fear of judgment, and I think you know the same.

Even though we can't just stop by unannounced anymore, planning weekend trips to visit one another is still really fun.

Sure, we go to rival universities and we will never agree on whose school is superior, but in the grand scheme, it doesn't even matter. Your school is extremely lucky to have you and in my eyes, you are what makes it great.

No matter the distance, no matter how strong the rivalry between our schools, you will always be my best friend and the memories we've cultivated throughout our friendship will never be forgotten. I can't promise I'll wear your school colors again (that was a one-time thing and does not diminish my love and respect for my school!), but I can promise that you'll always have a friend in me.

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