I’m a young 20-something millennial who grew up staring at his television. As such, my understanding of the world is based on tv shows like “Boy Meets World,” “Will and Grace,” “Gilmore Girls” and “Friends.” Looking back, what I’ve learned from these tv shows, besides the fact that popular '90s and early 2000s television needed an #OscarsSoWhite campaign of its own, is that a close group of friends can be more like a family.
Due to this, I’ve always idolized the idea of having a best friend, or two, who is more like a soulmate. I wanted a Shawn to my Cory, a Grace to my Will or a Lane to my Rory. Sadly though, reality doesn’t always work like that. After taking a better look, these close friendships may not be healthy ones. Here are four late '90s and early 2000s (because let's face it, they were the same thing) shows that show portrayals of close friendships (that are also kind of harmful).
Shawn Hunter and Cory Matthews from “Boy Meets World”
The Good
These two characters share a lifelong friendship. They stick together from the sixth grade to college (and to adulthood if you count the sequel show “Girl Meets World”). Though they fight sometimes, these two guys love each other like no other (sometimes more than their own girlfriends).
The Bad
This show and these two characters rely too much on things just “working out.” It’s a by-product of the family sitcom that the characters normally end up at the end of the episode the same way they were at the start of it. For Shawn and Cory that means no matter the many dumb mistakes they make throughout the series, the two believed that if they stuck together nothing would go wrong. This is not true in real life.
Then there was the season finale where Cory and his wife Topanga moved to New York City after she accepted a summer internship at a law firm. Shawn decided to leave with them, and the show made it seem like they all moved for good as if it wasn’t just a summer internship and as if they weren’t just sophomores (I still don’t get it). If the move was permanent it’s a pretty big and unrealistic decision for Shawn to make to move just because his best friend was leaving him.
Will Truman and Grace Adler from “Will and Grace”
The Good
Will and Grace are two loving friends who are there to support one another at every step of their lives. When Grace was homeless after leaving her ex, Will invited her to move in with her. The two share a close bond that has lasted over a decade from their college years to their mid-thirties. They started with Grace having a crush on Will. Even though she later found out he was gay, she still wanted to keep a close bond with the man. Their relationship thus became intimate in another, and maybe better, way.
The Bad
Will is literally an enabler to Grace and Grace is way too attached to Will. Several times in the series Will holds Grace back from achieving potential happiness because he doesn’t want to be left alone. In the pilot alone Will single-handily stops Grace from getting married because he doesn’t approve of her fiancé. Then, there’s Grace who’s so attached to Will that she feels threatened whenever he gets in a relationship with a man or connects platonically with another woman. These two may love each other, but they’re also poison to each other’s happiness and so they are not a good example for real life friendships.
Lane Kim and Lorelai (Rory) Gilmore from “Gilmore Girls”
The Good
This is another relationship that lasted the years. Rory Gilmore and Lane Kim were best friends in the small town of Stars Hollow, Connecticut since childhood. Lane was always there when Rory had any drama to talk about, whether it be here mother, her three boyfriends during the series, or her rich and challenging schools. Then, when Lane had twins she asked Rory to be her “Lorelai,” meaning she wanted her best friend to act as a “cool aunt” when her children wanted to get away from their mother. This act alone shows the amount of trust and love the two share for each other.
The Bad
The problem with this relationship is that Rory doesn’t have just one best friend. Rory has Lane, but also has her friend Paris Geller at school (though that friendship has it’s own problems) and then there’s her close relationship with her mother which is the primary focus of the show. Rory may be Lane’s best friend, but Lane may not be Rory’s. In addition, Rory always seems too busy with her own life to help out or even listen to Lane’s problems. Lane even points this out to Rory in the middle of season one.
Then, Rory is an enabler to Lane's lies to her mother. Lane goes to Rory and Rory’s mother whenever she wants to run away from her parents. Lane also uses Rory’s house to hide her actions that she knows her mother would not approve of. These lies lead to complications in Lane’s family which could have been solved through conversation, but Rory helped things escalate.
Joey Tribbiani and Chandler Bing from “Friends”
The Good
Joey Tribbiani and Chandler Bing are their own click in the slightly larger “in-crowd” that is the friends of “Friends.” They joke together, drink coffee together and watch “Baywatch” together (which is totally not weird). For 10 years audiences watched these two as they supported each other through job changes, an engagement/marriage, and one awkward moment when Chandler seduced Joey’s girlfriend. These two are a prime example of the classic bromance.
The Bad
Joey and Chandler kept each other from growing as adults and people. These two roomed together in an apartment for half of the series. In that time they acted like immature frat boys, one who kept a constant cycle of bedmates and the other wishing he could do the same. They would commit childish acts like giving up their apartment to watch two girls kiss and buying a Foosball table instead of a dining table. It was only after the two lived separately that they matured. Chandler realized that he hated his job and quit to pursue something he felt passionate about.
In addition, he got over his commitment issues and settled down to start a family. Joey experienced love for the first time and began searching for a woman to come home to. These two enjoyed their years together, but it was when they separated that they found happier lives.
Close friendships are often used in television, but most of the time these friendships carry unrealistic and harmful actions. Just goes to show, even if you grew up watching these shows, like I did, you shouldn’t take them too seriously.
