There's no other way to put this: DONALD TRUMP IS RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT AND THE END OF THE WORLD IS NIGH.
Okay, now that I've gotten that off of my chest, I will continue to be completely annoyed at the fact that the man arguably more famous for his horrible hair than for his vast riches is running for president.
In the spirit of Mr. Trump not winning this race, here are nine TV baddies who would definitely be better at running this country than Donald.
1. Norman Bates.
Though this kid may be a bit sinister and – dare I say it – a little crazy, I think he would be a warm change to the political landscape. At the end of the day, people don't push him around, which is a good quality to have as a politician. Plus, he's into taxidermy! Yay!
2. Cersei Lannister.
We all know this woman is mildly adept at running a kingdom, so I think we should let her try to run a democracy. Recently, she's taken on a bit of a religious inclination, but at least we know she won't reinstate prohibition!
3. Joe Moriarty.
Look, this guy's got pizzazz. He's spunky, he's creative, and he's also really into Sherlock. With him in charge, we'd quickly figure out who all of the best American detectives are, and that can only be a benefit to our justice system.
4. Regina Mills.
She's clearly got a vested interest in food and style, and I think that we could really use some help right now when it comes to agriculture. Under her magical reign, we might just be able to jumpstart the agriculture industry and look good while doing it!
5. Elsa Mars.
Question: Is there life on Mars? Sadly, I don't know the answer to that, but Elsa really wants to find out! I have no doubt that she'd quickly reinstate the space exploration program and answer her burning question! Plus, the White House Correspondents Dinner would be more a bit more theatrical.
6. Kim Kardashian West.
Me too, Kim! So many kiddos in this country don't get enough education! We know that you can teach everyone how to look flawless, how to make a lot of money by developing apps, and how to remember the cardinal directions. We will all know which way is West! (I know, I know. She's not really a TV villain. Well, maybe not to you, but she scares me.)
7. Walkers.
These guys are the epitome of what it means to have a one track mind! If we put our trust in them, no stone would go unturned. We would probably discover land we didn't know we owned. And look at those teeth! They're pearly white! Our dental care would be impeccable.
8. Vee.
This woman knows how to cultivate loyalty. Imagine what she could do in Washington! Bills would fly through both chambers of Congress. I would gladly welcome a change in Washington's legislative pace, wouldn't you?
9. Frank Underwood.
He may be ruthless. He may be conniving. He may be contrary. But he gets the ball rolling and he doesn't stop. I'd vote for him! Wait, no, I wouldn't. He'd make his way to president without any of our votes! Go, Frank, go!
At the end of the day, Donald Trump isn't fit to lead this country. Any man or woman who thinks they can get elected to the highest office in America by being blatantly racist, condemning our entire political system, and hiring out extras to clap at a campaign launch is slightly delusional. Maybe the hair's making the man senile.
Either way, I really hope that Mr. Trump won't wind up in the Oval Office. (Who am I kidding? We all know he's going to rename the office after himself anyway.)
