As the daughter of a breast cancer patient, I have witnessed many encounters my mother has faced in the world outside of our living room. Some of those experiences have left her with a warm heart and a sense of clarity. To those individuals I am forever in gratitude. There is no level of happiness equal to when your unwell mother comes home with a smile on her face, a joy in her soul, and the story of an interaction that has caused such a feeling within her. However, other encounters have left her confused, hurt, and completely offended. Facing the numerous burdens cancer throws upon one's life is difficult enough. My mother should never have to add the insensitive words of an individual to her worries.

I understand that speaking to a cancer patient may be considered uncharted territory to some, and it may even seem uncomfortable. That is why I am here to share the please don'ts of cancer patients as I have learned them through my mother. Please read them. Memorize them. Take them to bed with you. Maybe just then, if you ever find yourself face to face with a cancer patient like my mother, you will be able to make her day just a little brighter.

1. "How are you?"

I know. Surprising, right? This is a question we ask absolutely everyone! The families we recognize in church, the cashier at our local grocery store, that dog you see walking around in the park, but not the cancer patient. She is obviously going through a rough time in her life. Chemotherapy has robbed her of her hair and energy, cancer has stolen years from her life, and the other added drugs have made her forget who she was before all of this began. She is not doing well. She is fighting for her life. Asking this question will make her feel uncomfortable, and she definitely isn't going to tell you the truth. Unless you know this person well, and actually want to know how things are going for her today, just don't ask.

2. "What do you have?"

This one is cringe worthy. Yes, my mother has been asked this multiple times. Even I have been asked this shortly after I shaved my hair off in support of my mother. Let's just say that for a second in time my mother has forgotten that she is fighting cancer. Keep in mind, this time doesn't last long at all. Sometimes it only lasts for a few minutes and then she happens to walk by a mirror or see someone staring at her. So, in those few minutes of release, you ask her this question. Not only is that an extremely private and prying question, it also reminds her that she looks like a cancer patient. That is never okay.

3. Anything negative about her hair

"Was your hair that grey before?"

"Your hair isn't growing back as fast as I thought it would."

"You kind of have an Afro going, don't you?"

Again, all have been said to my mother before. These kinds of things may have been said in good humor, but hair is extremely important to most women. Hair has the ability to make a woman feel feminine and beautiful. Most women are going to be sensitive about it already. Now on top of that add losing all of it in exchange for your life, and then having others make fun of the hair chemotherapy has left you with. Avoid those "jokes" at all costs.

4. "My sister/aunt/mom/cousin/friend/etc. had that same cancer and she.."

No, she didn't. No one shares the same breast cancer, just like no one shares the same fingerprint. Not only are there countless types of breast cancer, but every individual is affected by their cancer differently. Therefore, the treatments she went through and the results she experienced are likely not the same as what this breast cancer patient will experience.

5. Tell stories of someone you knew who died from cancer

To go along with my past point, do not under any circumstance, bring up the story of someone you know who died from cancer. It is already so difficult to stay optimistic during cancer treatments, so why bring up the fact that she could eventually die from the cancer she is struggling to fight? I mean really, this ought to be obvious.

6. "I heard about something online that can cure your cancer."

Oh, you did? Well please, tell that to the countless devoted physicians she visits multiple times a month who run tests, target cancerous areas, and measure growth and decay. Please tell them that you have it all figured out, and all they need to do is read this article you read on some site yesterday. Yes, thank you.

7. "They have the cure for cancer, but they won't share it because it is a billion dollar industry."

This one seriously gets me on edge. Do not tell my mother this while she is facing transition into a new body and possibly death. The idea that there is one single "cure" for all cancers is ridiculous. Please, walk into the treatment room, see how the drugs are imported, handled, and mixed. Once you see this process, maybe then you will understand why the cancer care industry holds so much wealth. Not to mention they are saving human lives. But really, who can put a worth on that?

8. "What is your name? Can I pray for you?"

This one may come as another surprise. My family and I are strong Christians. We believe in God and have a strong relationship with him. You see, he already knows us. He knows my mother, too. The one you just asked these questions. He created her. You don't need to know her name in order to pray for her. Her creator already knows her soul. He knows who that woman with cancer is that you saw today. He knows what she is going through. Please, do pray for my mother and any other patient you see in the world. My family cannot express how thankful we are for the prayers that are sent our way. The love that has been extended to us throughout this process is unfathomable. The power of prayer is a phrase we have come to know and share. But please, do not ask her those two questions. Although they are meant as kindness, they are not comfortably accepted. Please, instead ask yourself who you are in God, and if you can pray for that burdened woman.

9. "So you're cancer free now!"

A breast cancer patient is never cured. Rather, breast cancer patients pray for three letter results: N.E.D. Those three letters stand for, "no evidence of disease." Cancer markers in the blood may fall to an immeasurable low, no tumors may be presently found, and the remaining lymph nodes may not currently be affected, but the patient is not cured. Breast cancer has one of the greatest reoccurrence rates of all cancers. It can come back in the breasts where it originally began, spread secretly up to the lymph nodes, or even quickly move to a women's bones. So until that ultimate reoccurrence, the patient is on a remission. Some are fortunate enough to live the rest of their lives in NED. However, all are faced with the aftermath of cancer treatments. Women are left with scars as reminders of the battle, chronic pain, constant worries, and the adjustment of a new body. With all of these changes, she can choose which new values to hold. If one is like my mother, she will have gained a new sense of happiness and love for life. Once a woman is diagnosed with breast cancer, she will never again be cancer free. She has grown and changed too much over the course of her fight to say otherwise.