For the past two-plus years, I have had the pleasure of providing therapeutic services to survivors of domestic and/or sexual violence. When I tell people what I do, many people start to assume things. Some common reactions I get are "oh that must be so hard" or "wow what a special job." But the most interesting response is when someone tells a story about themselves or their family member or friend who experienced some form of abuse. It is hard to explain my job to people who work outside human services, but there are some key thoughts I think are important to understanding what we do as mental health professionals.

1. This job is hard.

Therapists literally sit and listen to people telling their stories of trauma, pain, and betrayal all day long. After a while, those stories start to take a toll on us. In every class during graduate school, we talked about the importance of self care; this did not become all that relevant to me until I started doing the work. If my bucket is empty, I have nothing left to pour. So I pour myself into my clients each day, and refill myself as much as possible away from work. It has taken some practice but I have learned what works for me and most providers must quickly learn what works for them too.

2. We do think about clients outside of their sessions.

In my line of work, clients are coming most often in a state of crisis. I have met with clients whose basic needs are not being met. I have also had some clients whose stories stick with me after they walk out the door. Clients do cross our minds after they leave their session and a healthy amount of self care will help keep the thoughts from taking over.

3. This work is a calling.

As a person of faith, I believe this is the calling God has given me. For my peers who are not of the same faith, many of my friends have felt a very similar pull to it. We certainly don't do this for the money (or lack thereof), so something bigger than us must be bringing us in.

4. We don't always have an answer to our clients' questions.

And that's okay. In fact, a good mental health provider shouldn't be providing answers to every question. The beauty and art of therapy is having the client realize for themselves what the next step for them should be. I like to think of it as being in the front seat while the client drives the car.

5. We don't listen to every word our clients say.

We listen for themes, pay attention to body language, and try to determine what the individual is really communicating.

6. Believe it or not, we are not psychoanalyzing everyone we meet.

One of the first things I tend to do when I get home from work is change my clothes. For me, it means I am taking off the Therapist role for the day. So outside of work, I am not trying to do more work. So for people in our personal lives, don't worry - we aren't trying to read into your souls.

7. We are equally as worried about running into clients in public as they are us.

Believe me, I don't want to run into my client out in the grocery store or on a date. In fact, after shopping one evening and realizing I could see a client, I thought maybe I shouldn't wear sweatpants in public like that anymore.
Disclaimer: I always tell my clients if we see each other in public, I will not wave or speak to them unless they do so first. I do not want them to have to explain who I am to someone - and I am almost always okay with a client saying I am a friend or acquaintance.

8. We have a weird sense of humor.

If we cannot laugh throughout the day, we will cry. So we wind up having to joke about things that people outside this work would find absolutely barbaric. We acknowledge that and keep our jokes to ourselves.

9. We love what we do.

As I have mentioned throughout, this job is hard. But those of us who do stick with it and work in the field for years have a love for the work, and more importantly for the people we come in contact with. It is a true honor to come alongside someone experiencing some of the deepest and darkest pain and being able to move through it to a lighter space. I would not trade my job for anything.