This past Saturday was National Suicide Prevention Day, and as someone who was once treated for depression, I felt it would be important to do something special for this day. Now everyone knows the reasons why you shouldn't kill yourself, you're popular, good looking, you have a nice job, but nobody really talks about the ways in which you shouldn't kill yourself. Well for what I'm sure is the first, and possibly last, time I am going to compile a list of some of the top ways you shouldn't kill yourself. Please be advised, there is a near infinite ways in which to accomplish this task so just because your chosen method of suicide doesn't make the list, you should still not do it.

1. Jumping Off of a Bridge.

Now the number one reason not to do anything on this list is because doing so will kill you and you shouldn't do that. Since that kind of goes without saying we're going to focus on purely the secondary reasons why you shouldn't use these specific methods. Now jumping off a bridge seems like it would be a good way to do it, but you'd be wrong. The thing about bridges, a lot of them are short. Like too short to do the job properly, you'd probably just end up breaking your legs. Also if you live in an urban or suburban area the chances are most of the bridges you'll find are going over a road of some sort. Everybody hates a long commute home from work, and that's what you'll be creating if you jump onto the highway.

2. Drinking Yourself to Death.

Drinking yourself to death might seem like it would make you seem cool and artistic. Well drinking yourself to death is about as artistic as a student film that ends with a gunshot then cut to black. For those of you lucky enough not to get the reference what I'm saying is "cliche city!" Plus, I'm sure at some point you've had too much to drink and it sucks, right? Well you're still alive (unless heaven has WiFi), imagine drinking even more than the most you've ever had to drink. Doesn't sound fun does it?

3. Lighting Yourself on Fire.

Lighting yourself on fire is never really the answer. Sure, you might think it looks cool. Like super cool, but you'd be wrong. It isn't cool. First off, there's no way you could stay as calm as the famous monk who did it (pictured above). You'd most likely be running around screaming while it happened, looking like a total bitch. Do you really want the last thing you do to make you look like a total bitch? I don't think so. You should never light yourself on fire to kill yourself. You should also never to do it to try and make your Ghost Rider cosplay more authentic.

4. Stepping in Front of a Train

In theory this one seems pretty good. You wouldn't really feel much and it'd be quick. However, you're not thinking about how this method of suicide would effect everyone else. If the train you step in front of is a commuter train you're going to hold up a lot of people on their way to work. Sure to the people of know you it'll be a tragedy, but to most people it'll just be a massive inconvenience and you don't want that. Man stop being so selfish. Besides, do you really want to just be a somewhat interesting anecdote for a couple hundred people on the train? I wouldn't want that.

5. Seppuku

Now this one is tricky. It is a very honorable way to kill oneself, but again that's like saying it's an honorable way to watch a Transformers movie. You should just never do it in the first place. You may feel as though your honor will be more intact if you off yourself this way as opposed to a more conventional method but you'd be wrong. In fact, you have to have already disgraced yourself in some way shape or form to get to this point. Plus then you have to go to Chinatown and get a samurai sword. Then the shop owner is like "oh why are you buying this?" Do you really want to have that conversation with a store clerk.

6. Taking Too Many Painkillers

I know what you're thinking, "but if I take too many pain pills at least it won't hurt." Wrong! Man stop being so stupid. See painkillers eat away your stomach lining, causing you to bleed internally, and it won't be very quick. Most likely you'll be discovered and brought to the hospital, but they're not going to be able to help you with the pain. Since you already took a bunch of painkillers and that got you into this mess, they can't exactly give you more to make the pain stop.

7. Shooting Yourself

Guns seem appealing. Boom, done. All quick, over in no time. For you that is. For everyone else it'll kick off a debate about gun laws that will somehow last forever and also never go anywhere at all. Also, like any other method, this one isn't too great for you either. Apart from the whole you dying thing, you're gonna have to go through a whole bunch of shit just getting the gun in the first place. You have to take a gun safety course to get a license to carry the gun. Then you'll have to buy a gun and bullets and lie to the store clerk about wanting to go hunting or some shit. To top it all off, by the time you get through all that you'll be so exhausted you probably won't be able to aim correctly. You won't do it the proper way (aiming the gun into your mouth at your brain stem) and most likely just put the gun up to your temple like an amateur. Then you won't even die you'll just keep living but with whatever ill effects came from destroying part of your brain. Again, probably just better off living.

8. Seek Forbidden Knowledge Not Meant for Human Kind

The story is all too familiar. Someone gets a small intriguing piece of information and begins digging. The search continues until the unsuspecting investigator has gone too far down the rabbit hole and is eaten by Old Ones or driven mad by the elder things and Shoggoths they encountered causing them to commit suicide. The best thing you can do is just not ask too many questions, especially about spooky stuff. Just keep living your life in blissful ignorance to the otherworldly beings that may or may not be inhabiting the world around us.