Let me just address the stuffed elephant in the nursery…I am a mom and a lonely one at that. Call me desperate, but this article has some bona fide tips on how to be a mom's friend. I am a 20-year-old college dropout who got knocked up and had to leave behind the familiar environment of my millennial cushion I was so blissfully snuggled into. Instead, I now snuggle with my 10-month-old son, his stuffed animals, and all the drool and diapers and immense love that comes with him.
Understandably, my friends had no desire to join in on that slumber party. One by one, they distantly, politely slipped away until they have become nothing more than a mirage in my Facebook friends list. I can’t blame them. After all, motherhood is a bewildering, and often awkward, experience (trust me, I know). So to help navigate this new relationship you will have with your pregnant, soon-to-be-poop-stained and pooped-out friend, here are 8 tips on how to be friends with a millennial mom:
1.Don’t be judgmental.
This is perhaps the most important tip, hence it being number one. Your mom friend is going through a LOT of hormonal changes, along with the responsibility of caring for a small, precious life. The pressure is already on, so there’s no need to add more.
2. Know that baby and mom are now one.
Be understanding that your friend probably won’t be able to hang out without bringing her baby along. It’s hard (and expensive) to find a babysitter for every occasion. So pick a location or activity that is baby-friendly.
3. Don’t expect, don’t be disappointed.
No matter how young your mom friend is and how late she was able to stay out with you before, the exhaustion of motherhood has taken over her life. Don’t be disappointed if she doesn’t want to hang out past 9 pm so that she can get the baby (and herself) in bed at a decent hour.
4. Recognize that your relationship with your mom friend has evolved.
Don’t let it hurt your feelings if your friend’s priority is now on her baby instead of you. It’s nothing personal, it’s just one of the many beauties of motherhood! (Get used to hearing those corny, sappy mom lines too)
5. Still be yourself!
Even though your friend’s priorities may have changed, her personality hasn’t. You can still chat and goof off the same way you used to. If anything, your mom friend will be craving that normalcy after such a huge life adjustment.
6. Offer to babysit!
This one is for those A+, gold star besties. All moms need a break every now and then, so offer to give your friend an afternoon or evening off, and have some bonding time with your honorary niece/nephew.
7. Help your friend retain her identity.
While it’s a wonderful feeling of baby and mom “oneness", your friend will still be grasping on to her identity. Treat her like the individual she is and don’t just slap the “mom” sticker on the bumper of her minivan. She will REALLY appreciate you for it!
8. Lastly, don’t be afraid to vocalize your own needs!
Friendship is a two-way street. With her life now revolving around her baby, your mom friend will likely lose touch with the reality that there are people whose lives DON’T revolve around her baby (GASP!). It doesn’t hurt to inject a gentle request that over your next coffee date you’d like to talk about something other than her baby’s latest motor skills development and recent diarrhea episode.
Armed with these tips, you are ready to face motherhood! That is, from a third-person perspective. This is a time in a female's life where she needs a friend the most. Just be yourself, let your friend be herself (although you may have to remind her sometimes), and don’t let her newfound obsession with breastfeeding, vaseline consistency, and organic baby food scare you away. After all, someday you will most likely be joining her on this journey we moms like to call "the miracle of life". (Don't let it freak you out).
