Not everyone losing their virginity the same way at the same time. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve started talking to my friends about their first time and there are a few things I wish I’d known when I lost my virginity.

1. No one’s first time is perfect.

As a hopeless romantic, I had read a lot of romance novels where the heroine is whisked off her feet and romanced to bed. That’s definitely not how my first time was, and I’ve learned that that isn’t the case for most people. Almost everyone is a little nervous. It’s important to know that the first time — though it is a pretty big milestone in your life — absolutely does not define how your sex life is going to be forever.

It’s going to be awkward the first time. You’ve never done it before! It’s okay to be awkward.

2. No one cares about your virginity as much as you do.

I remember the first time I heard one of the girls in my class had sex. It was a huge deal. Suddenly, I felt like I just had to lose mine as well. It’s silly. It’s absolutely ridiculous to see your virginity as a burden. Our society and our culture have fixated on sexuality and on sex, and that means it feels as if you’ve been left behind you if you haven’t reached a base on the field by a certain age. I’ve learned over time that someone who truly cares about you isn’t going to give a damn about your experience.

3. It gets better.

Like I said, not everyone’s first time is perfect. It will, most likely, be awkward. It might not be great. And maybe the time after that won’t be great either. But it will get more fun and more interesting—it’s exciting to have a chance to experience and re-experience your body in a new way each time.

It takes time. And practice. And care. So don’t be upset and don’t get worried when all the pieces aren’t falling into place at once.

4. Taking care of your sexual health is nothing to be ashamed of.

Buying condoms, going in for a gynecology appointment, or going to be tested for STIs tend to bear more weigh on us than they really should. It’s nothing to be ashamed of! And more than that, it’s extremely important. Taking care of yourself and asking questions about your sexual health is normal and important.

5. Everyone’s body is different, and things work differently with different people.

The needs of people are unique to their sexuality. It’s perfectly okay not to like certain things, certain positions. It’s okay to take some things off the table when it comes to sex. Everyone is different and things that magazines tell you should work and should pleasure you might not.

6. It’s okay to speak up for what you want and what you like.

Your partner isn’t a mind reader. They’re not going to know the things you want to try, the things you’re interested in unless you tell them. It might seem awkward at first — I mean, everyone is just supposed to know how this works, aren’t they?

But as I said, everyone is different, and the only way to know what’s going to work is to communicate.

7. It is ALWAYS okay to stop.

If the situation you’re in makes you feel uncomfortable, you have the right to stop and walk away. Your body is your own and YOU decide what to do with it. No one else. Ever. And if the person you’re with gives you a hard time, they’re not worth your time.

8. Not everyone bleeds after their first time.

I didn’t, and I actually have talked to several female friends who said they didn’t bleed. Movies and books have my brain trained to think that things would look like a battlefield after I was finished, but there was nothing. This isn’t uncommon, and it doesn’t mean that a girl who doesn’t bleed isn’t a virgin.