Once upon a time, I took my mother to a fraternity party. It's no secret that frat boys love moms. And when your mother is a world renowned Pilates instructor with a six-pack and is an absolute dime piece, like mine, they really love your mom. My mother is a happily married woman to my lovely father, but more guys were hitting on her in one night than I have experienced in my whole college career. People who I didn't know were, literally, Facebook chatting me asking for my mom to come to their party.
On the night of the frat party we matched, duh. So all you daughters with hot moms, I sympathize with this list of struggles.
1. People always think you are sisters.
First of all, I am 20-years-old and the ladies at the nail salon keep asking me when I will graduate 8th grade. Sisters my ass. I don't care how good she looks, if I look like I'm 12, there's no way a 50-year-old looks that close in age.
2. No one can tell whose clothes belong to whom.
You're the same size, you like the same clothes. Doing laundry is a bitch. Then I gained the freshman 15… and she didn't.
3. She looks great in anything she wears.
Burlap sack? Hawaiian print t-shirt? She slays. People check you both out, everywhere you go.
She's wearing a leotard. How did she manage to pull it off?!
4. Waiters call her, "Miss."
Hey, what's up, hello? I'm sitting right here calling her, Mom. And she's wearing a wedding ring. She is not a Miss.
5. She's effortlessly cool.
No lie, I've gotten flirting tips from my mom... and they worked. Not only that, but she's fun. She's the life of the party doing ballet splits on bar tables. Meanwhile, I'm passed out on the bathroom floor from trying to keep up.
Having a party in the bathroom with my aunt. Okay, Mom, could you be more awesome?
6. Your friends always say how they wish they had her as a mom.
Yeah, I know she's the dream. The perfect balance between Mom and friend. Well, she's mine, and all mine. Back off. Sometimes, I fear if they just hang out with me in hopes she is home.
7. Boys wonder if you'll be as hot as your mom.
Someone has actually said this to me, “You were average in high school, but your mom is so hot so we never understood what happened to you. But then you got way hotter in college, don't worry." Oh, okay. Pretty sure we were on a date. Pretty sure that's not a way to hit on someone.
8. You and your mom are best friends.
She's awesome; if she was your age, you'd be inseparable. She laughs at your raunchy jokes and comes back with even funnier ones. You can tell her anything, and she doesn't judge or shy away. She understands your naivete, despite her wisdom.
But the great thing is you know you'll be that gorgeous (you have to be; it's in your genes, right)?! And on top of that, she passed down all her brilliance, too. Thanks for being the best, Mom, you timeless fox.
