I knew that, physically, I would not be in the state of Missouri the week of March 20. I've had that date on a countdown app since the days remaining were in the triple digits. We booked a house in September, made driving plans and failed at countless diet plans. If I had to talk mathematically, at the given time Gulf Shores was occupying 87 percent of my brain. This question should have been a no brainer. I then realized the word that was troubling me was “vacation."
Yes, I am traveling to another state with minimal responsibilities and abundant free time. Don't let this fool you. Being a veteran of Gulf Shores 2014, the best way I can think to describe it is not so much a vacation, but rather a “Survival of the Fittest" challenge. Like me, a lifetime of family get-aways has probably set your spring break expectations high. This kind of thinking will disadvantage you in the fight of natural selection, formally known as Darwinism. Below you will find eight of many essential differences between a standard family vacation, and a college spring break.
1. Lodging
Say goodbye to Mimosas at check in, valet parking, spa treatments and king sized beds. If you're lucky, the (bunk) bed to person ratio in your shack of a beach house will be roughly 1:4. Air conditioning and sufficient hot water would be a luxury.
2. The Beach
Your mom may insist on visiting only beaches awarded with the "whitest sand and the clearest waters." College kids settle for semi-white and decently blue. Can we get a category for how easy the sand is to walk on, because that's pretty much the main concern. That and jellyfish.
3. Food
All you can eat buffets are a thing of the past. Prepare yourself to low-key starve. Groceries are expensive and transportation options are scarce. Peanut butter, ramen and oatmeal are the proven best food groups. Chinese takeout will save your life, but ration accordingly. Beware of the friend that is confident on the grill, and the one that thinks “taco pizza burgers" is a good idea.
4. Sleep
This is not a time to sleep in, catch up on sleep or sleep in general. Naps are the key to success, but very risky if not handled correctly.
5. Packing
You can't be the person that rolls up with a full-sized suitcase because you packed “options." You don't need options. There's no over-weight baggage fee, but people will hate you.
6. Traveling
You can never fully appreciate your dad's ability to navigate cross-country with no directions until you're driving through the night with five teenagers and a GPS on low battery.
7. Cleanliness
Long gone are the nights you would return to your hotel room to find your towels folded up in the shape of animals, or pieces of chocolate on your pillow. You are your own cleaning service. If you can see the floor in the midst of 20 spring breaker's wardrobes, you're doing something wrong. If you burn a hole in the deck and rack up over $500 in damages, you're also doing something wrong.
8. Weather
Family vacations are carefully timed considering Florida's rainy season, or Mexico's painfully hot months. College students don't have this kind of freedom. It might break 60 degrees, it definitely will rain and strong winds may make the sand physically hurt you. Swimsuits are the expected wardrobe in all conditions.
Safe to say, if you make it through, you'll probably need a week of actual break to reflect and recover. In this time, you will realize that although you could never use the words “all inclusive" to describe your trip, you wouldn't want to. You will leave with a years worth of new friendships, stories, pictures and slight PTSD. Embrace the dysfunction as you try to transition back into an acceptable human being. Call home to assure your concerned parents, look into juice cleanses and set a new countdown for the next best week of your life.
