Say what you will about smart phones and their ability to revolutionize how we live and interact, but you’re lying to yourself if you actually believe in those phony corporate marketing schemes. Even if your phone doubles as a shaving razor that can simultaneously cook grilled cheese sandwiches, no obscure feature can trump the games that these masterminds out in Silicon Valley keep churning out. We don’t like to admit it, but our phones are just glorified Gameboys nowadays. It all started with Angry Birds and Doodle Jump and boy, have we come a long way. Honestly, at this point if you’re still excited about Facetime and Newsstand (whatever that is), please give your phone up to someone more deserving because you clearly are not caught up with the times.
More importantly however, I would like to take some time to reflect on my all time favorite app, Clash of Clans, which is without a doubt the most engaging and versatile game on the market. Whether you proudly play, or you keep it stored in a secret folder on your phone so your girlfriend doesn’t see, we all love to clash deep down. Some may say that it is unbecoming of a gentleman to be committed to a medieval themed video game, but it really is so much more than that. It takes tactics and alliances to successfully maneuver your way through the Clash of Clans universe, and there are valuable life lessons to be learned along the way. For critics out there in stern disbelief, here are a few examples of what this “stupid little game” can teach.
1. Time heals everything.
Ah, a beautiful testimony to the splendor of life and how it simply goes on. Life will offer you plenty of reasons to be discouraged and give up, but guess what? The clock won’t stop ticking and the world will continue to run business as usual. The same goes for Clash of Clans, because when you wake up to 75 angry barbarians followed by Mr. T riding a pig and a fire-breathing dragon wreaking havoc on your village, you may want to quit. However, all you have to do is be patient and your problem will sort itself out. Literally, your village heals itself in a matter of hours, its wonderful.
2. There is always a bigger fish to fry.
Even though Hannah Montana told us from day one that “nobody’s perfect,” it is in our nature to try to achieve such a fantasy. I thought that maybe if I put enough time and effort in, and worked hard enough, my clan could be the very best like no one’s ever was (shout out to Ash Ketchum). Au contraire, my friend, because there will always be that one eight-year-old at the park to whom you decide to show your clan, and he will proceed to scoff in disappointment as he shows you his village that he surely did not build without cheating. It is no matter though, because the lesson here is to focus on your own strengths and weaknesses, and accept that a flawless clan is unattainable. Even for you, random eight-year-old.
3. Responsibility.
Phones are often associated with narcissism and self-promotion because of apps like Twitter and Instagram in which the content matter you post is generally focused on your own achievements and getting more likes. Before you decide to show up late to the party and create a Clash of Clans account though, just know that this isn’t all about you. Taking care of a village is no small task, and even though you may think you are ready because you walk your dog once a day, this is totally different. When there is an entire village full of helpless peasants that are completely reliant on you, mistakes are not an option. They need your help at all times. There is even a notification from the villagers that pops up on your phone if you leave them alone for too long; it’s not a joke.
4. You get what you pay for.
I always struggle to decide whether to buy the authentic brand name clothing, or just get the cheaper off brand option. Of course the sales associate tells me that I will be “getting what I pay for” if I stick with the pricey stuff, as if there is some special part of the design that will make my life better. Well, if you settle for less in Clash of Clans it could come back to bite you in the ass. The game teaches you how to save your money because the valuable items are worth it. Seriously though, the difference between level four archers and level five archers is uncanny.
5. Money does not grow on trees.
Clash of Clans is not a game where you can sit back while someone hands you success on a silver platter. No, you must wait while your miners are hard at work digging gold out of the ground so that the village can survive. Well…then I guess your miners sort of hand you success, and if worse comes to worst you can just buy your way out of a tough situation with gems. Forget that though, at least money does not actually grow on trees.
6. Sort out your issues with violence.
While your miners are busy breaking their backs to provide you with gold, sometimes even that is not enough. The solution is simple however; just take more gold from another player’s village! Round up the troops, lead them confidently into battle, and pillage other villages until you are content with your earnings. After all, it is all about you; so don’t pay attention to the interests of others. It is simple life lessons like this that make the game so great.
7. Lives are expendable.
Often times when you raid other villages for gold, you are risking the lives of your own soldiers. Thankfully you can just create new ones for almost no cost. We live in a world where over expansion and commercialization are simply part of the overall ideology. We might as well catch a ride on the bandwagon and get with the times. A few lives here and there won’t hurt anything, so keep sending your archers and wizards to their death in return for a little bit of coin. I’m sure Donald Trump learned a thing or two from this game and look at where he is now!
