Recently, I came across an article that claimed that only half of your friendships are mutual. This really made me stop to think about what friendship really means to me. Over the years, I have learned what healthy friendships look like and who my real friends are. As an optimistic extrovert, I have always been pretty open with people and very trusting of those who I considered to be my friends. After being burned quite a few times, I have learned some hard lessons about who I should trust and who I shouldn’t. If there is any truth to that study, I’m not the only person who needs to reflect on their friend group. Here are a few types of people who aren’t really your friends.
The User
This friend only shows up whenever they need something from you. They always ask to borrow something from you and are quick to ask you for favors, but they seem stingy when it comes to lending you anything, and they are reluctant to do any favors for you. When they do agree to help you in any way, they may even keep a tally of it and find some way to bring it up as leverage when they want to ask you for more favors later.
The Rival
This friend always makes you feel like you’re in a competition you never signed up for. Whether it comes to grades, attention from guys or girls, popularity, or money, you always feel like they are trying to one-up you. You might hesitate to share your successes with them because you’re not sure they will be happy for you; they might even try to undercut your successes with snide remarks.
The Flirt
This person is always flirting with you. Your other friends (or even acquaintances) may have even pointed it out, but you shrug it off and say how ridiculous it is. However, once you start dating someone seriously or otherwise make it clear that you are only interested in a friendship, this person will likely lose all interest in talking to you. In little to no time, they will disappear altogether.
The Narcissist
This is the friend that mainly talks about themselves ALL. THE. TIME. And if you try to tell them anything about yourself, they will promptly change the subject or try to shut you up so they don’t have to be concerned with your feelings, thoughts, opinions, or life experiences.
The Gossip
This friend is always eager to talk shit to you about other people, including your other friends. Don’t be fooled; this doesn’t mean that they're opening up to you because they trust you. They most likely just love drama. Whatever you do, don’t tell them anything about your personal life that you wouldn’t be comfortable broadcasting to everyone in your circles.
The Judge
This friend is always looking for ways to criticize you. Don’t get me wrong; being able to communicate honestly and receive constructive criticism is a crucial part of friendship, but this friend’s harsh remarks rarely seem necessary. They may operate under the guise of “keeping it real” and being “brutally honest.” But there are ways to be truthful that involve some level of tact, especially when it comes to your friends.
The Bully
This person is pretty much a straight-up bully. They often call you derogatory names and constantly make you the butt of their jokes. When you protest, they probably try to invalidate your feelings by telling you that you are “too sensitive” and “can’t take a joke.” It’s obvious that this person is insecure and doesn’t see you as a friend, but more like a platform they can use to boost their own low self-esteem. If they need to put you down to be funny, their sense of humor is not for you (and juvenile, quite frankly), and you need to find friends who laugh with you, not at you.
