Depression is a subject no one likes to talk about, but it is still here. It needs to be addressed because millions of people are affected in different ways, different stages of their life, and different cultures over the world. Yet, one thing remains the same….no one truly knows how depression feels until they have experienced it. There is nothing like seeing a loved one go through the darkest time of their life and not knowing what to say. I know you are trying to help, but some things are better left unsaid.
1. Do not tell me to “get over it."
Don’t tell me there are people worse off than me. This may be true, but you don’t know my entire story. You don’t know my personal loss or the things I’ve been through.
2. Do not tell me it is “just a phase."
I struggle with this daily. Everyone has a “bad day” every now and then, but the difference between your bad day and mine is trying to muster up the strength to live a normal life. The struggle to get back to my normal routine is something I deal with daily. It isn’t as easy as you think, and it isn’t going to just go away.
3. Don’t tell me to think of what I’ll miss.
I might be selfish, but when I’m down I don’t think of anyone else. I live with the constant, indescribable pain. It isn’t a physical pain, and I think that is why it makes things so much worse. The truth is, I don’t think about who I’ll hurt or who will miss me because I simply don’t care some days.
4. Don’t continuously say, “It’s going to be okay.”
I know you’re trying to be my friend, and sometimes, I appreciate the reassurance and the hope things will get better. Other times, I feel like you are just giving me a pep talk. Depression is more than just feeling sad for me; it’s a mental state. It is something that needs more than a pep talk, and I have demons to deal with before I will believe things will be okay.
5. Don’t tell me to “Get out of bed and do something.”
Some days, I feel like lying in bed. I want time to myself because being around others and doing things physically exhaust me. I do not have the energy to get up and do the things I normally would. Please, try to understand that it isn’t as easy for me as you think. I cannot just pull the energy out of thin air.
6. Don’t ask me how long I am going to be like this.
If I knew how long I’d “be like this," I’d tell you. Do you think I enjoy feeling this way? Absolutely not. I can go from being the happiest person on the planet one day, to feeling miserable the next. It’s a time bomb, and I don’t know what to expect any more than you do. Honestly, sometimes I don’t even recognize when I go into my depressive state.
7. Don’t tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself.
Some people have ways of coping with tragedy and loss. I do not. I have experienced many things that have scarred me, and I have experienced some that have made me the person I am today. I’m not “feeling sorry for myself”. I just don’t know how to deal with things as easily as you.
I know you are trying to help, but sometimes the best thing to do is listen. I know you have the best of intentions, but please, do not make me feel like there isn’t a problem. Please, do not try to counsel me on something you might not have an understanding on. Sometimes, I want to sit in silence until I’m ready to talk. Until then, please do not judge me, pep talk me or try to get me to snap out of something I cannot control and something you do not understand. Depression/Suicide is a serious problem. If you know someone who needs help dealing with this issue, please contact someone who can give them the resources they need.
