While my friends were all living the life on tropical beach vacations for their Spring Breaks, I had the pleasure of having all four of my wisdom teeth extracted. At first I thought, "Hey, how bad can this be? Now I have an excuse to sit on the couch, avoid leaving my house, AND eat Ben and Jerry's for four days straight..." Wrong, my friends, I was wrong. Here's 7 things I wish I knew before I had my wisdom teeth surgery...
1. You're going to want your phone after surgery. Give it to someone you trust, and make them guard it with their life to prevent you from getting it back.
If only I had known this and hadn't sent out ten fateful snapchats to my "friends" telling them I missed them, I loved them, and I hoped they were all okay. Oh... and beautiful text messages like these ones...
2. You're going to say some things after surgery that are quite honestly really funny (albeit slightly embarrassing). Find it within yourself to laugh at the videos.
Quotes from Kate post-operation: "I just want to drive the car to Mexico and buy tacos with all the nice people who live there, Mom. They're very nice people no matter what Donald Trump says."
3. Chipmunk cheeks are real.
No, I promise I'm not actually a small rodent storing food in my cheeks for the winter, those are just my gums which have swollen to be approximately the size of a small country.
4. Embrace the ice pack face bra.
It's super fashionable, and it evens helps with that aforementioned swelling. Pretty neat, right?
5. Anytime you're able to sleep for more than an hour at a time, you'll probably cry tears of happiness.
On second thought, those tears are could be a result of the excessive amounts of pain killers, but who really knows?
5. Your favorite word for the next four days will probably be "MOM" and you'll probably say it in the whiniest tone possible.
"MOM, I need more ice cream."
"MOM, my ice packs fell off again."
"MOM, the dog won't leave me alone."
6. You're going to be so sick of ice cream by the end of the week.
Trust me, ice cream burnout is real (and it sucks). All you want after day one is real food, but real food is off limits for awhile, and that's enough to break a food lovers heart.
7. A few days post-op, you'll be ecstatic when you're actually allowed to leave the house and return to being a normal functioning part of society.
Being a couch potato for twelve hours was fun, but the next 48 were kind of a drag.