There has been a lot of much needed attention on the issue of street harassment and cat-calling. While there are many who understand that yelling derogatory terms at people is intimidating and will not get you the result that street harassment is apparently after, there are some who still beg the question, "well how do I approach someone in public without being a creep?" This is obviously a situational question, but the key to talking to anyone is making sure they feel safe. If you genuinely are interested in getting to know someone, not just hit on them for your own humor (which is harassment), there are certain things to avoid.
1. Don't yell things when she's walking down the street.
Sounds pretty simple. Just don't do it. She's not going to stop to talk to you. She's going to start walking faster. Because she's scared. If you want to talk to someone, why would you want to scare them? Don't do it in the morning. Don't do it in the afternoon. Especially don't do it at night. Just don't do it, OK?
2. Don't do weird things with your eyes.
There are two examples of this; it's the rolling your eyes up and down the other persons body, and it's the extreme eyebrow raise followed by extreme eye contact.
There is a fine line between checking someone out and sizing them up as if they're a piece of meat. It's natural to be attracted to someone, sure, but don't lick your lips and stare. This person is not your dinner. This is also a form of intimidation. Don't do it.
The first sign of a creeper is what the person does with their eyes. When a person raises their eyebrows and almost pops their eyes out of their head, it's just plain weird and creepy.
Just be a normal person. You're not a member of kiss. Keep your eyes and tongue inside your skull. Eye contact is great, but it also shows your intentions. I really don't know if people do this intentionally, but it's really not alluring or attractive.
3. Don't approach someone in a deserted place.
If they are in a parking lot or alone in a somewhat unsafe environment, just leave them alone. This is similar to the street rule. Especially if it's late at night. There is absolutely no situation where anyone should be following another person to their car.
There are so many great opportunities to meet somebody in a place like a coffee shop, museum, bar, grocery store, etc. where there are a lot of other people and probably cameras. It is all about making someone feel safe and comfortable.
4. Persistence isn't cute.
There are going to be times when you are at a bar and you hit on someone and they turn you down. Leave it at that. If that person doesn't want to talk to you, don't make the other person uncomfortable because you are embarrassed. Don't call that person a mean name, just move on. Don't continue this interaction on in any other way, please.
5. If they're looking for excuses to walk away, they don't want to talk to you. Take a hint.
This is similar to number four. There are going to be people who have no shame in just rejecting you outright (me). And there are going to be people who feel bad. They're going to make up excuses to get away from you. Maybe she generally does have to go to the bathroom, but if she doesn't come back to talk to you, she probably wasn't interested in talking to you. Just leave it alone. Move on.
6. Don't take things personally and don't let it shatter your confidence.
There are going to be nights when some people just aren't having it. They don't want the attention or maybe they just aren't interested in you. It's going to be OK. Don't escalate your feelings and hurt another person (verbally or physically) because they rejected you. It's hard to put yourself out there, sure, but your hurt feelings aren't worth more than someone else's feelings or safety.
7. Don't make a comment about their body.
If this is your first interaction with someone, the creepiest thing to do is to comment on their body. And if you follow that comment with subtle touching, their first instinct is to either run or pepper spray you. Both outcomes don't sound like a good time. Just refrain from those comments, remember it's about making someone feel safe. Understandably, people love feeling safe.
Some of the comments included might seem extreme to some people, but there are many people who have been on the receiving end of unwanted contact, and it changes the way they talk to people.
There are people who genuinely want to talk to others, and there are people who go out of their way to hurt people. Those people are harder to distinguish then they should be. But if you are one of those people who just genuinely don't know how to interact with someone they are attracted to, now you know a few things not to do. They are not suggestions.
