Divorce can be hard on everyone — especially when children in the middle of it are so young. Growing up, I remember my mother acting as all the family roles when I wasn't with my father. My brother and my mom were equally as protective. My mother always spoke with such class and elegance about the whole situation, and I always admired her for that. In your teenage years, you don't seem to notice the lessons that your mom teaches you, though.
1. She teaches you independence.
A single mother has had time to learn to live on her own — raising a family and acting as multiple parental roles. While it's exhausting, I don't remember my mother showing to be fazed by this responsibility. She never felt the need to talk down on my dad or make her children feel bad about the situation. She always preached to me, "You are your own person," and "You are strong." I never thought much about it until I went through situations in life where I had to be strong. Through my first break up to my first family passing, my mom has helped me stay on my feet and hasn't let me fall without being there to catch me.
2. She teaches you honesty.
As a single parent, there's not much to hide from your kids. Almost instantly, you have to build a bond with your child on trust and honesty. All questions must be answered, and kids expect a genuine response. One of the most important qualities I learned from my mother was to be honest with everyone. She never hid anything from me, and I've always looked up to her for that. Not only did I learn to be honest with other people, but honest to myself. If I'm in a situation that makes me uncomfortable or I need a change in my life, I can recognize that and make a change. I'm not scared to make my life more suitable for myself.
3. It's OK to find a new love.
Not all love has to be found in a significant other. Also, if love is lost, it's OK to move on. Some things don't last forever. While some love is eternal, others aren't. My parents, both of them, come first in my life. My dad and mom are both very strong and amazing people that I am blessed to have. But I also have been able to find love in my mom's boyfriend and his family... And that's OK! And same with my mom and dad. It is nice for both of them to find a love outside of each other. I'm lucky to have seen multiple relationships in my life... Ones that I look up to and others that I don't. I've learned so much through this alone.
4. She teaches you that it's OK to share your feelings.
In a time of divorce, a lot of feelings are exposed. Many people grow up being afraid of letting others know how they are feeling or how to talk about it. One thing my mom always did, was she made sure we had an open relationship. I knew I could always depend on my mom. Still to this day, I call my mom when I'm feeling upset or I just want to cry and have her give me a mini-lecture on life. I depend on these calls to keep me going. Without my mom's shoulder to cry on, what would I do? Mom's have been through a lot, and life hack: They know everything.
5. She teaches you how to love
Now this sounds cheesy. But one of the most important lessons my mom could ever teach me was to love. This is not a love you have for your favorite pop star (cough, cough JB). This is an unconditional love for people who make you happiest. But first, she taught me to love myself. I went through sometime in high school where anxiety and sadness took over my life. I was in a rough place... But my mom never gave up. She would sit outside with me while I cried until I could name good things about myself. She told me I didn't need others to validate me in order for me to feel needed. I found a love within that I wouldn't have been able to find on my own. Then, she taught me to love people for who they are. Everyone has flaws and not everyone is going to think the way you do. But these people don't deserve to be written off completely. Conflict can be resolved if it's for someone you value.
6. She teaches you equality.
My mom could probably fix more around the house than your dad and all of his friends can. She is a handy gal, and she learned it all herself. Women are strong and intelligent. You don't need a man to help you in life. You can figure it out fine on your own, and probably do it better anyway. Plus, you can buy yourself some flowers after and make a delicious dinner for one.
7. She teaches you to budget your money (kind of...)
Growing up, even though both my mom and dad were prevalent in my life, we grew up on a budget. That doesn't mean my mom never gave me anything I wanted... She did. My mother showered me with love, and sometimes great gifts to go along with it. She worked hard for her money, though. Each day my mom would go to work at 7 a.m. and get home at 7 p.m. Then she proceeded to make dinner and clean the dishes and do the laundry... she was basically a machine. She taught me that I can't get everything I want. But if I work hard and do what I love, it will all be worth it and we can get through the day. I just wish I could spend my whole paycheck at the mall (but mother would not condone).
She also taught me that family comes first. Even though my parents aren't still together, there is a respect and love that will always be there. Plus they have a great thing together... kids! That's something I'm proud of.
My mother is one of the strongest people I know. Every day, I look up to her and challenge myself to think as she would and to radiate the positivity that she does. Hard days do not phase my mom. One day, I hope to be half the woman she is.
