One thing that I’ve never felt comfortable talking about and almost never share with anyone is the fact that the relationship I have with my mom is nonexistent. Growing up, she was around until about third grade, and then she decided to do travel nursing. After that, she was around off and on, and now I never talk to her or see her. When most people hear this, they take pity on me and think to themselves how sad my life must be. Honestly, as harsh as it sounds, if I could go back in time, I don’t think I would want my mother around. I truly believe that I have learned more from having one parent absent in my life than most people learn with having two parents present.
Here are seven lessons that not having a mom around taught me:
1. How awesome my dad is.
First things first, not having my mother around helps me realize how amazing my dad really is. Don’t get me wrong, he’s your stereotypical, overprotective, nosy, and sometimes annoying dad that I think every girl grows up with, but he’s also kind, caring, and willing to do whatever it takes to help me succeed. We’ve definitely had our ups and downs, as most fathers and daughters do, but I wouldn’t want to call anyone else "Dad." As I grow older, I definitely see a lot of him in myself and I’m perfectly okay with that.
2. Loving yourself is extremely important.
One of the biggest things I struggled with growing up, and still struggle with today, was loving myself. I always asked myself, if my own mother didn’t love me enough to stick around, how can anyone love me? How can I even love myself? The answer is simple. Whenever I think I have no one, I think about the amazing people that God has blessed me with. Not only do I have a pretty good dad, but my friends aren’t so bad either. They’ve been with me through my highs and lows and are some of the greatest people I know. Whenever I second guess whether or not I am worth loving, I think of everyone in my life who loves me for me, and I remind myself that I can't give or return love to anyone until I love myself first.
3. How to be strong.
Having one parent around wasn’t always easy, especially being a girl growing up with only her dad around. Going through my awkward, rebellious, and "I hate everything" phases, I wasn’t always comfortable telling my dad things, and with no mom around and I had to lean on myself a lot. Now that I’m older, I know that I can lean on others for support if I need to, but I don’t have to.
4. The kind of mother I want to be.
You might be thinking, “how do you know what kind of mom you want to be when you didn’t even have one?" That's easy, by knowing what kind of mother not to be, I know exactly how to be. I don’t want to be the kind of mother that is absent from her child’s life. I don’t want to be the kind of mother that makes up excuses, rather than taking responsibility for her actions. I want to be the kind of mother that is extremely loving and always there for her children. I want my children to never be afraid to fall because they know their mother will always be there to catch them.
5. Sometimes people leave for reasons we don't understand, and that's okay.
It’s a really hard concept to grasp: thinking about someone up and walking out of your life without any explanation, but the truth is that it happens, and that’s okay. We’re not meant to understand everything that happens in our life; we just have to realize that everything happens for a reason and will work out the way it's supposed to. I know that if my mom had been around while I was growing up or even today, my life might be completely different but not necessarily for the better. I firmly believe that I am more of a well-rounded person because of the fact that my mother hasn’t been around, and I’m perfectly okay with that. My favorite Bible verse always keeps me encouraged. “And Jesus said ‘You may not know why I am doing this now but one day you will’” John 13:7. I may not realize why my mom didn’t choose to stick around, but God does, and that’s enough for me.
6. How to handle people leaving.
Even after realizing that it’s okay for people to leave, it’s still hard to handle everything that comes along with people leaving. A lot of times when people walk out of our lives we feel hurt, angry, confused, and unwanted. I’ve been dealing with my mother leaving since it happened, and I’ll continue to deal with it for the rest of my life. Although I haven’t got it down to a science, I can handle people walking out of my life and the emotions that come with it a lot better now.
7. Just because people leave you doesn't mean they don't love you.
One thing I always thought when I was little was that because my mom left me, it meant she didn’t love me. Now that I’m older I know that’s definitely not the case. Sometimes people walk out of our lives for reasons of their own, reasons that we may not understand. I believe that my mother had things that she had to deal with before she could raise me effectively, and I think she’s still dealing with those things now. Taking care of herself before she took care of me isn’t something I hold against her; I learn from it every single day.
Technically, my mom is just like anyone else's. She helped me learn about myself, how to deal with others, and how to handle hurt and loss; she just did it in a different way. My mother’s absence is not a curse nor a blessing. It is simply an obstacle I have overcome, a lesson learned.
