As a transman, especially as a transman from a small town in rural PA where an exciting Friday night is driving around with your buddies and going to Denny’s or Walmart at 3AM, I often feel like my life is scrutinized under a microscope.

As if I am a zoo animal on display and everyone around me is getting a free show. I don’t hate it, I understand the term itself, “transgender”, is not something many people, especially small town people, are familiar with, and I love getting the opportunity to educate anyone, in any way, whenever possible. Many people do not agree with transgender individuals and I firmly believe a lack of education on the topic is the reason why. How many times have you shot down an idea simply because it meant leaving your comfort zone?

Many people care about trans folks, but they don’t know the best ways to support us. Oftentimes, in that confusion, typical rules of conversation fly out the window. It’s okay to ask questions- I personally love when someone is eager to learn more about who and what I am, but there are a select few, (ironically they’re the ones I get asked the most) that I absolutely dread.

1. "Soo.. Do you have a penis now?"

Yup, grew it myself. Without fail, every time I get hit with the “I have a personal/weird question”, 9 times out of 10 this is the question that follows. Why is everyone so intrigued by what is between my legs? It’s honestly kind of odd and off putting getting asked this question. You wouldn’t go up to any other random person and ask them about their genitalia so what makes me so special? Unless you are my doctor or my girlfriend, my tool should not be on your mind.

2. "Have you had surgery?"

My chest is clearly post-op and I’m shirtless the second the weather gets above 40 degrees so I know the direction you’re headed in, pal, and that direction is south. Do you ask random men if they’ve been circumcised? No, too weird? Exactly.

3. "How do they even make a penis?"

Play-doh. Who would’ve thought, right? Totally kidding. I’m no doctor and I surely cannot give you a medically accurate response so if that’s what you’re looking for you should go straight to the source. I just know there are different variations of surgery depending on the outcome you’re looking for, all invasive, mentally & physically exhausting, and expensive operations. Every trans person is different, some don’t even want to get lower surgery.

4. "What was your name before?"

Believe me when I say I cringe so hard I can feel my body turn inside out when I think of myself before I started my transition. A dead name is what we refer to as our birth names before changing them, and I’d like to leave mine as such, dead.

5. "How do you have sex?"

Again with everyone and their mother so concerned about my package and how I use it! A part of me feels bad for those who have to ask this question. If the only sex you know is boring missionary sex on a Wednesday night at strictly 9PM while listening to Coldplay then boy oh boy do my sincerest apologies go out to you. Sex is supposed to be fun! Sex is intimate, beautiful, intense, and limitless. Use your imagination. Regardless of what kind of heat I’m packing, I can assure you I get the job done with flying colors.

6. "What public bathroom do you use?"

I admit, this was a good question to ask when I first got started with my hormone replacement. The terrible thing about testosterone, especially when you are single handedly the most impatient person alive, is that it takes a while for the physical effects to take shape. Up until about 7ish months on testosterone, I was in this awkward state of looking like a pre-pubescent teenage boy, I would still get misgendered and got odd looks as I went into male restrooms. I can understand the curiosity and concern at that point, but now this question is just silly. Could you picture me, now almost 2 years on testosterone, post-op top surgery, facial hair and deep voice, walking into a woman’s restroom? I would get maced.

7. "Would you ever go back?"

And live my life as a depressed shell? Hell no. Transitioning was and will always be the greatest and most rewarding decision I’ve ever made. It taught me so much more than I ever thought possible. Life before transitioning was dark, and I was in a constant state of depression and despair. I could never picture myself wanting to “go back” to a life I wasn’t even necessarily living, just existing. I never want to “go back” to constant misery, self-loathing, and suicidal thoughts. Living as my authentic self is like coming up for fresh air after drowning for 19 years, like finally getting color in a black and white world. Nothing worth having is ever easy, and there is no reward in seeking the easier path. The only regret I have about transitioning is not starting it sooner.