Last week, I turned 18 and aged out of the foster care system. I have seen LGBT youth enter foster care for a number of various reasons and, unfortunately, sometimes they are in the system because of their gender identity or sexual orientation. They are often mistreated by social workers, foster parents, and other system kids. Whether you're a social worker, foster parent, or you simply just know an LGBT foster youth, this is how you can support them in your life.
1. Don't force labels.
Not all LGBT folks know how to describe their identity. They may also identify outside of the boxes that you have on your forms. So please, don't force us to pick one. If we don't want to tell you, then that's OK too. Being new to the system is hard enough, never mind being bombarded with our identity.
2. Don't assume that our LGBT identity is the reason that we're in foster care.
People enter the foster care system for many reasons. Sometimes it is because of our identity but not always. Some LGBT folks in foster care actually may have had accepting parents but had other issues. Assuming it's because of our identity, whether it is true or not, can make us feel awkward or uncomfortable about our identity.
3. Don't mess up names and pronouns.
Doing it once is usually OK, as long as it isn't done with malicious intent. Once we correct you, please make note of it wherever you feel appropriate, tell the proper people with the youth's consent, and make sure it doesn't happen again.
4. Don't introduce us to other LGBT foster youth without our consent.
Being LGBT doesn't mean you have to know every single LGBT person in the world, so please don't introduce us to other LGBT foster youth. If you truly think it'll be helpful, ask permission from both parties to introduce each other. It's just more respectful that way.
5. Don't out us.
I know it's tempting, and it may seem like important information for all involved with the case. However, it can put the youth at risk if they don't feel comfortable being out in certain spaces. Instead of trying to figure out if it'll be safe or not, just don't do it.
6. Educate yourself.
I know some LGBT folks out there like educating people and, if that's the case, by all means, let them talk and listen. However, if they don't start that conversation, don't expect them to play educator, especially with all the emotional stress they're under from being in the system.
7. Be compassionate and kind.
You need to learn how to separate your personal and work life if you're working with LGBT foster youth as your career. If you don't agree with their identity, put all your feelings aside and just treat them with the same respect your treat your non-LGBT clients.
