When I hear people discussing their relationship and wondering what they can do when they hit a wall, I immediately want to tell them, "Go to church together." Growing in your relationship with your partner while also growing closer to God is the most intimate thing and can bring even the most dead relationships back to life. When people love the Lord they have such a happiness about them; why not have that same glow with your boyfriend or girlfriend? Here are some of my favorite pieces of love advice that I learned in church.
1. The 80/20 Rule
For those of you who do well with numbers and logic, here's an old piece of advice that I learned from a youth pastor. In a healthy relationship, you can reasonably expect to get about 80 percent of what you want. Maybe he is the perfect guy, but he doesn't share your love of hockey and he isn't the neat freak that you are. This leaves 20 percent of your guy or girl that you don't necessarily love. Many people will leave their "80" to find that "20." The trick is that even if you find that 20, they will never have what that 80 had. It sounds cold to talk about people in terms of numbers, but it can make you realize that you have to appreciate the good qualities and realize that no one will ever be your 100 percent match. You can have a 100 percent relationship, though, if you don't hold your partner to such a high standard of perfection and are willing to love every part of your person.
2. Boaz
This one is more of a funny joke than a lesson, but I have to include it. In the Bible, Ruth waited patiently for her husband, Boaz. While you are waiting for your "Boaz," try not to fall for any of his brothers: Broke-az, Cheap-az, Lazy-az, Lyin-az, Cheatin-az, and especially not Beatin-yo-az. Wait for Boaz. He's out there, ladies! If someone is abusive, unloving, or just all out wrong for you, don't feel like you can't leave the relationship. I believe in putting in hard work for love, but don't stay with the wrong person if your heart is telling you to go. Pro tip: when your parents and friends stop liking a guy, that is a pretty good sign that he should hit the road. Friends and family usually know whats up.
3. Collosians 3:23
"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men." This is a great verse for anything in life. Putting your hardest work into any project, especially your relationship is key. What I took away from this lesson was the last part "for the Lord, not for men." In today's world, I think we get too wrapped up in everyone's opinion on our relationship. Work for your relationship to not be #Goalz on Instagram, but to truly glorify God. Block out the rest of the world and focus your hearts on each other. The one exception to that is parental guidance because our parents usually know best (even if we don't want to admit it).
4. "The Wicked Servant"
Forgiveness. I think every single person struggles with forgiveness more than we think about. When the cashier at a store is rude to us we harp about it forever afterward. When someone wrongs us we find it impossible just to let it roll off of our backs and move on. Some people say "Forgive, but don't forget." In relationships, that just won't fly. One of my favorite stories in the bible comes from Matthew 18:23. A master calls upon his servant, who owed him a great debt. In order to pay his debt, the master planned to sell the Servant along with his family.
The Servant pleaded with the Master not to sell his family, and taking pity on him The Master not only agreed, but forgave him of all his debt. Awesome, right? Later the same Servant beat and harassed another servant who owed him money and couldn't repay it. When the debtor pleaded for mercy, the Servant would not give it. When the Master found out about this he said, "Should you not have had mercy on him as I had mercy on you?" The takeaway I got from this was that God has forgiven our sins. Knowing that, how can we not forgive those who sin against us? When your partner angers you or lets you down, remember the mercy that God has shown us and apply that lesson to every person you meet. Don't be the wicked servant. Discuss, forgive, and then forget.
5. Don't light a fire too soon.
Pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation Church, gave a sermon a while back where he began to build a fire on the stage one Sunday. He got out the firewood and began the process, making us all wonder if he really was going to set the stage on fire. No fire pit, no extinguisher, nothing to contain the fire from spreading. When you start a relationship up, there is going to be passion. Sometimes we feel like we are "burning with passion," for someone. Passion is something every healthy marriage needs. The problem comes when you build a fire and light it without having anything to contain it. Relationships are beautiful and passion is something that is so special and essential, but when you're young and still figuring out a relationship, putting down the materials to start a fire with nothing to contain it is dangerous. Call on God, call on Smokey the Bear, call whoever but don't go lighting fires that you don't have any way of containing. Before you build a fire, you need somewhere to put it. You don't have to put the fire out, you have to find the right place to put it. That safe place is a marriage. It's hard to summarize this lesson, but if you're young and dating, I really recommend watching that sermon here.
6. You can't be selfish.
You don't just get to walk out or call it quits because someone is not who you want them to be. Sometimes we need to think about what God can do through us for someone else's life and not just what someone can do for us. There have been so many instances in the past where my selfishness caused a fight to drag on. When we don't get what we want, our emotions go insane. Try to have a selfless love for another person and focus on what they need out of the relationship. It frustrated me to no end that Casey couldn't wake up at a decent hour on weekends and would miss a lot of our plans because of it. I wanted to break up with him sometimes purely because I didn't feel important enough for him to show up right on time. As time passed I realized that he worked from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. most weekdays and weekends were his time to sleep in and be a little more laid back. It's all about patience and selflessness.
7. Put your relationship with God first.
Love the Lord before anything else. Focus on communicating warmly, being forgiving, helping others, and opening yourself up to improvement and new experiences. If you always put God first and your partner does the same, your relationship will improve ten fold. If going to church or talking about God isn't something you and your boyfriend do already, ease into it and watch a sermon together online. If you don't like the first church you try, keep going to new locations until you find a spiritual home that you can come to with all of your worries and troubles. For those of you in Charlotte I highly recommend my church: The Cove, along with the equally amazing Elevation. Both of these churches have tons of sermons ready to stream anytime from home.
Let me know your favorite bible verses and stories about relationships in the comment section. I love hearing other peoples' experiences and perspectives.
