It is one thing getting back with an ex a few weeks later, or even a month or two after the break up, but it is a whole other thing trying to rekindle the relationship after several months or years! People often partake in the former which is reasonable because a break can be necessary for growth, at times. The latter, however, is rare, as it should be. I recently reconnected with my ex, two years after an ugly breakup. I had high hopes for us, but reality struck me after we went on our second first date. Before diving back into your old relationship, consider these seven things:
1. They are your ex for a reason!
This is possibly the most important factor you need to consider. Breakups usually occur and linger for a substantial reason. If the the two of you have been over for a while already, it usually means that your underlying reason to end the relationship was of worth.
2. Grudges
Having your ex back in the picture comes with all your unresolved issues. We are told not to hold grudges, but let's be honest, we hold grudges anyway. It is hard to start over fresh with someone when you are subconsciously still upset about your former relationship with them. This will bring rise to problems in your new relationship because even the slightest mistake they make will set you off like wild fire.
3. Flaws persist
You remember all those things you hated about them before? Well guess what, they haven't gone away. We would like to think that the good outweighs the bad, but in this case it obviously doesn't. You initially broke up because the accumulation of their flaws drove you nuts. If you couldn't put up with them before, it's unlikely you'll be able to now.
4. Moving on
It was hard enough moving on once, why do it again? You spent what seemed like ages trying to get over them. Hypothetically, if your relationship didn't work out a second time then you would have to repeat the process. Some things get easier the second time around, but this doesn't. If anything, it actually gets harder because you have grown even closer them.
5. Reverse closure
Getting back with your ex hoping for closure will only disappoint you in the end. You can't expect to find closure by reopening what had already ended. Getting back with them might give you solace, but this is momentary. You will eventually have to acknowledge that "re-doing" the relationship will not make up for how your last relationship ended.
6. You have both changed
This may seem contradictory to number three, but allow me to explain why it is not. With time, people grow which often leads them to grow apart. The person you fell in love with two years ago has drastically changed, and so have you. You may have been compatible back then, but that does not mean that you will forever remain compatible.
7. It didn't work out the first time
Your relationship failed once, and either one of you or both of you decided that it was best to stay separated. The decision was made for a reason, so why try to force the relationship now?
We sometimes fantasize of our ex coming back, and sweeping us off our feet but for most of us that is just a fantasy. Your ex might want a second try at the relationship, and you might as well, but be weary because life is not a fairy tale. This does not go to say that every second attempt at a relationship will fail, but be aware that it is no piece of cake trying to fix what is already broken.
