Our society has an unhealthy obsession with sex, especially when it comes to the concept of virginity. There is such a focus on whether someone is or is not a virgin and it's really not doing anyone a whole lot of good and honestly, it doesn't matter anyways.
1. It’s hetero-normative.
Like most publicly educated students, I was taught that sex meant penis into vagina, simple as that. However, it’s not actually that simple. Sex doesn’t have to include both male and female sex organs to occur. If it did, most people who identify as homosexual would be considered virgins. Sex can be defined multiple different ways, and by confining the term “virgin” to only mean people who haven’t had traditional heterosexual sex, we’re only continuing the disparity between different sexual orientations
2. It’s sexist.
Females are highly praised for staying pure and chaste while men are applauded for their sexual experiences. Our society views women who aren’t virgins as tainted, defiled and thus less desirable to men. A woman’s sex life should have no influence on her self-worth. The illusion of a “pure virgin” only increases the limitations on what women feel like they can do. It hurts the feminist movement and women in general. This goes both ways. The concept of virginity puts pressures on males too. Males are often very protective of their masculinity and because the concept of virginity is so effeminate, they try their best to avoid it. It’s considered a manly thing to be sexually active and they are congratulated for it. This puts guys under heavy pressure to have sex and they’re seen as unmanly when they don’t. Whether it’s directed at men or women, the ideals behind virginity hurt everyone.
3. It assumes morality.
This one predominately applies to women. Being a virgin is commonly associated with good morals and values. It assumes that being a virgin makes you a better person. Which just isn’t true. People who are sexually active are just as capable of goodliness. Do not let anyone tell you that your sexual experiences determine your value.
4. You’re not “Losing” anything.
The experience of having sex for the first time is often referred to as “losing your virginity.” First of all, you’re really not losing anything. If anything, having sex means gaining a new experience. Secondly, using the term “losing” carries so much negative connotation. Sex shouldn’t be seen as such a bad thing. It’s fundamental to human sustainment. We should be celebrating it, not condemning.
5. It creates unrealistic expectations.
We have hyped up having sex for the first time as this great momentous occasion, and maybe to some people it really is that. But for the majority of people it’s not like the romantic scenes in the movies. We’ve created a standard through the media of what someone’s first time is supposed to be like, and when it doesn’t end up meeting that expectation, they’re left disheartened. By simply not even having the mindset of “losing virginity” in the first place, we can eliminate the pressure to make it perfect.
6. It alienates sexual assault victims.
The question “when did you lose your virginity?” can be really hard on people whose first time having sex was when they were raped. By focusing so heavily on the idea of virginity, our society makes those that had no control over what happened to theirs feel uncomfortable. No one should feel that they are tainted and impure or that they’ve missed out on a once-in-a-lifetime experience because of that.
7. It’s nobodies damn business.
I know humans are obsessed with labeling everything, but someone’s personal sexual experiences aren’t anyone else’s business. Sex means different things to different people. It’s okay to have sex as often as you want and with whomever you want. It’s also okay to never have sex, or just have occasional sex, or to wait until you’re married. As long as you’re being safe and not hurting anyone, do what you’re comfortable with and don’t let anyone tell you what you should or should not be doing. Your sex life is between you and your partner(s), so there is no need to put any kind of label on it for the rest of the world to see.
