1.) What’s it like to live in Chicago?

I wouldn’t know. I live outside the city in this thing called a suburb. We have lots of corn.

2.) But if you’re from the area then why don’t you have the Chicago accent?

This one is because I can generally read and pronounce things as they are on the page. As people got older and picked up their accents, I didn’t get one. Pronouncing “for” as “fer” and “the” as “da” just seemed naughty.

3.) Don’t you hate it when people put ketchup on their hot dogs?

To each his own; I honestly don’t really eat either ketchup or hot dogs. I’ve been told this has to do with the Chicago-style hot dog, which never has ketchup on it. I’ve had one Chicago style hot dog and it’s super hard to eat. It’s like watching a child eat cake for the first time and they just smash it in their face hoping that some of it gets in their mouth. Except it’s not cute at all, because adults are supposed to know how to eat food.

4.) But you must think that New York style pizza sucks, right?

Well, when you realize that any pizza that has a thin crust is considered “New York Style” you might be asking a different question. Don't get me wrong, Chicago style is amazing, but I can’t sit down with a fork and knife to cut a pizza every time I eat it.

5.) Are you a White Sox fan or a Cubs fan?

I’ll let you know once I get through watching a single inning of baseball and not asking who the bad guy is.

6.) What do you think about the Blackhawks?

Michael Jordan.

7.) Isn’t it a scary place to live?

Yeah. When I was a younger lad and times were different, I was a treasury agent living in Chicago. Crime dominated the streets and it seemed as if there was nothing I could do. I created a team with an Irish cop, the best shooter in the academy, and another Treasury agent to take down their boss. Let’s call him Al. After many raids and lost friends, we got him on tax evasion. When I was asked what I would do next I replied, “I think I’ll have a drink.”