Fantasy Football. America's past time for those who love sports and for the most part have no lives. According to a 2014 Forbes magazine article, upwards of 33 million people play Fantasy Football, whether it be in Standard, PPR, or IDP leagues. This past week, most leagues have ended, including those leagues that play Week 17. By now, you and your league have decided the winner of your Shiva, but more importantly, the winner of your Sacko/Ruxin. And if you don't watch "The League," I mean you figured out who won the league and who lost the league. Anyway, you might be wondering what to do to your league loser. Luckily for you, I have it covered. Here are 10 hilarious punishments for your Fantasy Football league losers.
1. Rename the Loser's Team
One thing that most people take the most pride in is their team names. This year my league turned into one giant fiasco of making fun of each other with very personal team names, especially to Kyle. Suck it, Kyle. Anyway, there's something really satisfying with renaming someone's team from "The Brady Bunch" to "Embracing My Romosexuality," therefore it's always a prime choice.
2. Performing a Spoken Word Poem
It's hard to be poetic and deep when every word you're saying is "boner."
What's great about a coffee house spoken word poem? I'm not totally sure -- I've never actually been to one. But I'm assuming the people who attend them are the kinds of people that not only really appreciate hearing themselves talk but are also probably prevalent defenders of PC culture, so they're probably offended by everything. Probably. Imagine one of your buddies getting on stage and saying literally everything you and your friends came up with, hilarious right?
That being said, I lost my league and have to do this. Like for real. I'm not happy about it. If you're in the Bridgeport/Fairfield area, keep an eye out for me on the mic.
3. Remake a Music Video
"IIIIIIII...shouldn't haaaaave...drafted Jamaal Charles..."
Last year, a man named Chuck Jose had lost in fantasy. As such, his league, titled "The League of Humiliation" made him remake the music video to Sia's "Chandelier." Like scene for scene, shot for shot. In a full costume and everything. Needless to say, classic fantasy football humiliation.
If you haven't seen the video, watch it here.
4. Retake the SATs
What was the worst part of high school other than the classes, the food, the teachers, the assemblies, the people, or like...everything? That's right, standardized testing! And what could be more humiliating than losing a fantasy football league? Taking a test for 16-18-year-olds as someone who is not 16-18 years old. Plus it's like, five hours of testing. For something, you don't have to take. But if you do worse than you did in high school that's also embarrassing. Plus it's like $50. It's a lose-lose-lose at your friend's expense. It's pretty hilarious.
5. Indentured Servitude
So I typed in the words "indentured servitude" and the pictures that came up were definitely not appropriate for this article...or any article...or anything for that matter, actually. Definitely not PC. I was gonna talk about making your friend do pretty much anything for you, for a really long time but I kinda feel bad for looking up the words "indentured servitude." So moving on...
6. Taking the One Ring through the Depths of Mordor
I don't actually know "Lord of the Rings." Seriously. Like nothing. I had to Wikipedia most of this to make the joke. If it was "Star Wars" this would've been so much easier, but hey, I gotta write something.
What could be funnier than sending your friend on a perilous quest to destroy a magic ring in order to defeat the Dark Lord Sauron? Absolutely nothing! Imagine your unmotivated, out of shape buddy running around Middle Earth, dodging all sorts of monsters and the forces of evil with a group of elves, hobbits, and magic old guys all because he decided to pick up Deion Lewis and then not being able to pick up a suitable RB1 off the waivers after his Week 9 injury?
7. Come Up With Something Original
Because the _____________ might actually be better than the Sacko.
Do you know what's better than doing exactly what other fantasy leagues do? Coming up with something for yourself! It'd be a fun and creative way for you and your league to not only have a great laugh but also to bond. Doesn't sitting around, having a laugh, and coming up with one collective thing instead of looking up "funny fantasy football punishments" on the Internet sound like a great idea?
That being said, that's probably how you found this article. Hope you all had a great season, and let the Sacko Punishments begin.
